Words from my Heart...

I must give myself a pat on the back... I planned and organised this birthday bash with a little help from my love ones for Abang's 10 year old Birthday....It wasn't easy.....but well worth it...and I paid for everything except or the food which was taken care by Abah. Credits:  Civil Servant Bunglow : by BIL I artwork for Invites: SIL kin kin Goodybag preparation: SIL kin kin Goodybag stickers: sponsored by Kak Mims UTS Jellies: half priced 'Mak' Mariah Brownies: discounted and made with lottsa love by my colleague 'kak Siti' Soccer cake: Swensons Decor: done by collegues and girlfriends Food set up : Mak and MIL Food prepared by: kak Noraini WJ BBQ: BIL E Monetary gift for Abang's new bicycle and handphone : Family Actually, the yearly practice was just a birthday dinner at Swensons... Hmm ...I did celebrate his birthday with the bigger family when Abang was 1 and 2 years old...after that, I stopped cos I never liked ...

Karena itu, ingatlah kamu kepada-Ku niscaya Aku ingat pula kepadamu, dan bersyukurlah kepada-Ku, dan janganlah kamu mengingkari Nikmat-Ku. (Q.s Al-Baqarah :152) Hai orang-orang yang beriman, mintalah pertolongan [kepada Allah] dengan sabar dan [mengerjakan] shalat, sesungguhnya Allah beserta orang-orang yang sabar. (Q.s Al-Baqarah: 153) Since Abang's Mid-Year results were terrible for Maths and Science, I went down to his Tuition Center and met up with the center's manager and principal for some discussions.  While they were very concerned for Abang, they were also very positive and didn't find the marks terrible. I guess, they have seen worse. From looking through the Mid-Year papers, the discussion soon changed to a counselling session for me...... At times, I do feel like a single mother but I know, I should push away such thoughts and I must keep being strong for the sake of my kids.  Things that I need to remember:  1. No more beating 2. Keep...

I sank into depression tonight... after I went through Abang's SA1 Maths paper.... The hard questions, I can understand.... but what I saw were easy questions, those which he could score..... Abang could easily get a just Pass for Maths.... I don't know what I have done wrong....There is alot of guilt in me... I feel terrible..........(almost ludicrous)..... I send Abang for Tuition, paying $200 a month.... I spend alot of time doing homework with Abang.... yes, his Maths results are just terrible...... *Abang tak kesian kan Ummi ker?* Tonight I spend alot of time, explaining to Abang if he can't pass his Maths, he cannot get anywhere.....I talked and talked but I don't know how much he really understands..... I used the belt today. 4 strokes on his legs. It was horrible...His cries......He does not know, I love him so much, it is only for his own good.  I decided to come up with a fix time table for Abang and cut his soccer and outdo...

Its a blessed friday.... It rained....Alhamdullilah..... Abang kept asking where will the sun set today....?  He is scared of qiyamah....He is truly afraid and can cry if he thinks about the world ending. UMMI told Abang..as long as there are people praying and as long as there are people reading the Quran....it wont be Qiyamah yet.... "Abang ada solat tak?" "Kadang-kadang" , he answered.... My dear son....don't abandon your prayers.... They are your pillars to your deeds.... Pray like its your last prayers....its not easy but its worth the effort. Ingat ye pesanan Ummi.... UMMI loves you...

It hasn't been an easy start of the year with Abang...... He hates studying... It takes alot of coaxing and alot of encouragement before he starts writing.... and every work, needs to be guided. He can do it, I know he can cos for some Maths sums, he is able to do it with no problem.  If he was STUPID, he wouldn't be able to do his multiplication sums with ease.  But anything unfamiliar, takes alot of guidance.  I know I should not be comparing Abang with Adik but its unavoidable.  Adik takes out her homework and starts doing it on her own, while all Ummi needs to do is check and correct it.  I am trying my best to be patient with Abang.... giving praises and encouragement when its due and trying my best not to beat him. 2 days ago, while teaching Abang double digit Times, I really lost it.... cos he didn't make any effort to pay attention and even threw a tantrum.  I should have known kan, Abang was sleepy but I forced it...

Whoever said Parenting is painless, smooth and enjoyable must have be totally lying.... This week, I cried and vocalize something that I never thought I would say.... I questioned the reason for having offspring who not only give me stress but also many... many days of agony..... It been a while since I lost it.... Today, Abang not only kept his tuition and Madrasah homework till the very last minute, he also did not put in any effort upon doing them.He seemed to be in a relax mode, often talking about sleepovers at my mum and watching Tanglin, the drama when school work has not been revised at all.... How can I just be calm and relaxed? I chased after Abang and angrily threw a chair at the bathroom door as he ran to hide in the bathroom....I must have been outta my mind!!....but I knew, that I threw it without any force.... The chair hit the bathroom door, enough to scare him much, and telling him at the same time, Ummi has hit the...

Kenapa ye Abang,  Tatkala semua orang di dunia ini tak fahamkan abang,  Tatkala semua orang di dunia ini ketawakan abang,  Hanya Ummi yang faham perasaan Abang  Hanya Ummi yang faham tingkah laku mu yang sangat berbeza dari kanak-kanak seusia dengan mu. Kenapa ye Abang, Orang yang kita mengharapakan faham akan nya dirimu,  Orang yang sepatutnya memberimu dorongan demi dorongan,  seringkali, memberi mu kemarahannya, dan  sering kali, dia putus asa, tanpa mencuba..... Kenapa ye Abang  Dunia ini penuh dengan jakaan (expectations),  Jakaan yang tinggi untuk kanak kanak juga,  Tidak boleh silap dan senentiasa harus sempurna, Jangan takut anakku,  Ummi akan selalu berada disisimu,  Selagi masih bernyawa, akan ku selalu mendorongmu Buat lah yang terbaik demi masa depan mu Kalau suatu hari, Ummi sudah tiada,  maka letaklah segala harapanmu kepada yang Esa (ALLAH) Janganlah engkau meletakan sandaranmu pad...

Somehow, it was a pleasant surprise when Abang told me he was made class monitor.  It seemed almost impossible since Abang not only is an average student, but also a playful one.  Ummi had as usual, encouraged Abang and was happy for Abang, but deep down my heart, I had felt that his form teacher could have chosen him just to motivate him that he can achieve success. Than at night, Abangs teacher Mdm Diyanah sent me a WatsApps and asper the message, she informed Ummi that Abang had put in effort and a little more serious in his studies. Alhamdullilah! Segala pujian hanya untuk Allah swt.  I'm not sure if he can last as monitor through the term too. God Willing. At 9 years old, Abang don't really know how to control his emotions, often too happy without worries, needs to be told to solat and still have that little bit of angst that he had when he was a growing toddler.  Ummi often pray and dream that Abang will suceed and get a degree. Ummi often f...

Dear Son,  Today, Ummi did the unthinkable. Ummi went to your school and made a formal complaint on Cikgu H. I spoke to your VP and there will be another follow up session with the Cikgu as well. Ive always wanted to lie low, worked closely with the school...so I’m kinda surprised myself , that I eventually went. You didn’t want me to go to school, but I knew she was treating you badly for too long, since last year, and I couldn’t let it continue. Ummi has always sided the Cikgu or any of your teachers. Ummi had always told you to respect the teachers and you were in the wrong that’s why you were scolded. Ummi always wanted you to know that life was not easy and you won’t be protected as often as you would like.... But yesterday, when Cikgu called you a LIAR for not handing in Unit 9 worksheet, suddenly the lioness in me woke up. She called you a Liar after I texted her that I did not see Unit 9 in the file. I told her I could not find it a home. S...

Eid Mubaraq and Selamat hari Raya.  I am sure, many mummies/parents can relate that EID season can be both Joyous and Stressful. If the child behaves while he is out visiting, than its a relieve and comforting feeling.  Alhamdullilah... However, when the child decides "Not to Behave" and "Be in his Zone", how do you feel?...When YOU are the only one who understands the child and not the other family members who don't know about your child's condition and simple brand him unruly and not disciplined? It seems that every EID season, I face the same old thing where people who don't know my son  us comment on Abang's behaviour.  And each time it happens, I smile and keep quiet because I don't feel that they are close enough to me  us to know that Abang might  have ADHD. I will than talk to Abang later to correct him in his behavior when we have left the place. I feel exasperated that each year, there must be an incident where Abang wo...

Its been awhile... So many things happened this past 6 months.. Ramadhan passed too quickly. Time passed to fast.  its the last week of fasting month here.  Update on the kids:  Alhamdullilah, Abang's behavior is getting  better, almost like a normal boy. Abang is only playful in his studies now. He still gets on my nerves but I have learnt to relax abit. I show him that I love him more now.  Life is too short..... Abang loves Adik (vise-versa) and I love watching them sit, talk and play wrestling together.  Adik on the other hand has started primary 1. Adik started off really clingy and scared, but after awhile, I can see her coping.  Its fasting month. Abang and Adik have both started fasting full time now. Adik is more determined than Abang When she is thirsty, she goes to sleep. I am a thankful Ummi. Alhamdullilah. 

    A few days back, as I was sitting in a cafe, sharing waffles and ice cream with 2 of my acquaintances, we talked about life’s challenges. One conversation led to another and somehow, I told them about how I am tested with a son who has ADHD. One of the ladies, than passed a remarks if I was sure my son had ADHD or am I just being Over dramatic.   She also mentioned that there might be nothing wrong with my son, and ADHD was just want I wanted him to have, a convenient excuse for his indiscipline behaviour.  It hurts me when I receive such comments. Which mother would be sick enough to self-label her son with ADHD? Which mother wants her son to have this condition? ...................I then told her, that I didn’t diagnosed him but the clinic. I also explain that ADHD, unlike normal illness is not a disease with clear visible symptoms,   it is a behaviour condition and can often be misinterpreted with indiscipline.   ...

Sunset by Senggigi Beach in front of Qunci Villas Abang has been getting fatter. This is my main concern now. His appetite is just too big. Looking back at his old photos, he has grown double his size since Primary One. I am getting worried.   Just spend a 7 days vacation with the kids in Lombok, Indonesia. Needless to say, Abang ate alot, even more than mine and hubby’s portion. While we adults can’t finish a plate of rice, Abang is eating his plate as well as taking my left over rice portion.   His behaviour is a wave of good and bad. He can be a good boy understanding instructions and behaving better than Adik at one point, but on another point, he can be out of control with his screams and weird behaviours.   I have started going for behavioural therapy with him at the Child Guidance Clinic. Suhana is our Psychotherapist. Glad I met her.   She is a sweet Indian Muslim lady, and she shared me some tips to assist in Abang’s behav...

Sometimes I feel as if my boy....and me are walking a road alone.... with Adik and our Bibik.... We are the people who often see my boy at his Worse and at his Best.... After work, I go home and teach him...Alone.... I scream, I scold, I shout..... or I laugh, I hug and I smile.... He doesn't know.... Cos its just us...and Our Creator. May We be given strength....Our problems are so small compared to the problems of other children in this world. I just watched this show on CHANNEL NEWS ASIA on HIV kids in Myanmar. It was so heart-felt and sad. Orphans as young as 4 years old are being send to the HIV shelter to get better and than they have to learn to fend for themselves in this huge world. Oh....It made me think.... the problems I face with Abang is nothing compared to the problems of other children in this world. The sufferings they face are far more atrocious than what Abang and I go through, in face, I cannot even call it a problem. I am ashamed. I will ...

  Dont you agree? That no matter what, only you as the mother can understand how much you love your kids and why you love your kids... Its the bond that a mother and her children have.   This the exact reason when some other looks at Abang is a different light, I don't.   No matter the tears, he will still be the sweet boy I know.   And I can never give up on my son.   I am thankful, he is healthy and active. I am thankful. He can run, and play eventhough he is rough, he can still play. I am thankful, Abang can walk on his own, eat on his own and bath on his own. There are endless things to be thankful for when it comes to Abang alone despite the challenges.   Eventhough he is not independant for his age, as he is very dependant on adults, he will be one day.   and I will always pray, that Abang will have a good future and be a good Muslim when he grows up.   Amin.   xoxo   ...

  Yesterday.....wasn't the first time that Abang went on excursion. But It was his first since primary one started.   Abang was on medication for cough, but this puffy face boy still insisted on following his classmates to the Singapore Science Centre. As usual, since he wanted to go, I will allow.   At 4pm, Abang called me while I was in a meeting. I took the call as I wanted to know if he got into any kind of trouble during the trip.   "Ummi, I was left in the bus when the rest of my classmates alighted down to The Science Centre because I was asleep. The bus driver discovered me and send me back again".. he said semi-excited.   My heart dropped. "What?! Why....?? Didn't anyone noticed you? Didn't your classmates wake you up? Didnt your teacher did a head count before letting the big bus go off? "   So many questions ran through my mind. As a mother, my mind quicky imagined the bus driver to be someone foreign and...

  A cousin recommended I watched this HINDI movie : - )   TAARE ZAMEEN PAR ~ LIKE STARS ON EARTH The movie is about a boy who couldn't read or write, very disobedient, naughty and hyper-active and causing a lot of anger amongst the teachers in his school. He cannot focus in class, and have been failing his exams throughout. His parents who couldn't not take the persistent complaints from the teachers and people around him, decided to ship send him off to Boarding School hoping, he will change his attitude and become a changed and good boy. This boy could not even button his own shirt, always depending on his loving yet Stressed mother to help him around his daily activities. (Sounds like Abang and Me? ) There, the boy grew even more lost, until, he was noticed by a teacher (the multi talented and dashing Aamir Khan) who cared to find out why the boy behaved in such a way. (Masya'Allah)...... The story leads us to go through deeper reasons and pare...