Words from my Heart...

  23 October 2016 I met my dad for the first time in 7 years since the day he left Jalan Paras. For 7 years, I carried the hurt and heart break. And I could never find the will to forget. As a woman, I had to be on Mum’s side. Today, as if all the pain was carried away by the wind, my heart was light. Its as though I was healed. Masya’Allah. I buried my head in his hug. I couldn’t say a word. Too lost in emotions. The kids looked on, so happy Ummi and Dada are in good terms again. (Kids, Im sure you remember this moment kan? For 7 years, my dad have been meeting the kids at the void deck of my home. Its time, we reconcile. The first thing dad said to me was “ You put on weight huh??” Sure dad...7 years ago, I was much …much slimmer. Hehe….. We spent about 30 minutes talking, catching up on moments lost while the kids played around us. We sure have more to say….. hopefully one day, you will have all the kids surround you dad. 

Its exam season and I have 2 weeks to prepare the kids well. Judging from how they have been doing, I can see my children are average children but with creative minds. Abang has good memory actually, because he can remember many things that I can’t myself, but he seems to always do badly for Maths. This time round, I hope he at least hit a 45/100 and it would be an achievement. Tuition has only little effects. Many times Abang told me to stop his tuition because I am only wasting money on the tuition fees. I guess Hubby is right. Abang will only start learning and passing when his heart wants too. No point forcing. Of course, as his Ummi, I cannot NOT force him. Every Exam season, Ummi gets stressed. Lumrah Kehidupan kan. Abang takes Higher Malay. I hope he does well for his Malay exams. He seems to have a thing for Peribahasa and is able to do Kefahaman well. As for Adik, I am starting to be concern. For a student who can do Maths, she seems to slacken thi...

so......Mak decided to stay with Abang.... He will be moving to a big landed property He will be giving Mak her own room on the ground floor Mak can use all the air con she wants Mak can have her own garden again.  suddenly, her promise to me changed.... My heart is broken... i AM happy for Abang and his family but I really wanted Mak to stay with me suddenly I question my own intentions....all these while, its only me and sis who has been going up and down the hospital appointments with Mak...and if Mak has any problems, it was always me that had to listen and help..... and who does she choose to stay with, not me.  I had looked forward to have her stay with me..even though our home is not big and we are not wealthy, we are considered OK. Medium. average.... Our house is blessed. We pray.... we go to the masjid.... Yet..... Its not easy to be truly ikhlas . Especially when we don't feel appreciated.  Texted Bro K....who understands and gave me som...

2nd Ramadhan.... Haven't been able to fast yet.... Might be able to start this Saturday..... Kids were feeling tired,restless and seems like I'm forcing them to fast Adik is much better and strong than Abang...Abang is always hungry despite eating sahoor.  This year, Ramadhan falls on their June Holidays so I feel that it is an advantage. They get to sleep and not use their brains for school.... We broke our 1st day fast at home, just the 3 of us, Abang Man bought 2 packets of Nasi Sambal Goreng for us.... and kids had prata.... We had bubur masjid as well....Bliss.....  It was just the 3 os us....Still, Alhamdullilah, everything was calm and peaceful.  Thankful for the rezeki that was on the table. 1ST DAY IFTAR YEAR 2016

In some walks, you just have to be alone... but why do you have to leave me? Why didn't you just went ahead....to love me 110 percent? Don't you know that I could love you even more? They say time will heal, To me, it just erases the hurt but the memories remain...and when your mind wonders, That's when the hurt return..... It hurt's that you no longer talk to me the way you do, don't you know, I pray for you always. I covered my heart, and changed the sadness to a smile, picked up the broken pieces so no one will ever know .... I see the chaos, I felt the pain, I know the loneliness ..... yet I call it LOVE.

January...is my birth month.... and it is also in this month that I feel so much love and blessings.... I love this month..... Alhamdullilah..... Mum got me expensive purple lace, SIL got me me Channel,  Hubby got me a Samsung Note 5, and treated me and the kids to expensive Lebanese food,  There were 2 birthday cakes, from friends and colleagues,  Crabtree and Evelyn from cuzzin T, and lots of love an doas from many friends and family..... I feel blessed, Alhamdullilah.... But all I ever wish is for everyone to feel happy, peaceful and calm.... I was however dissapointed in his message..... that only show how stupid girls can be ..believing every word a man says and falling fast into emotions.... the following days after my birthday has been fast and furious, Work is stressful and challenging, new colleagues from HQ has moved in, I have many more Muslim colleagues, many of whom Ive know for years, they bring much love, and the Malay gang is even more united...

This was our medals for the 5KM Great Eastern Women's Run 2015.... I Had gone for the run with some girlfriends despite not feeling too well.  It was my first run. I didnt really know what to expect and how my body would take it..... Didnt really train for it as well since I had been sick for a few months.  Alhamdullilah, I survied, and Glad I went ahead to experience the whole atmosphere.  Now, unfortunately, I am feeling the reverse effects of the run.....muscle pain!!! The whole body feels as its been beaten up...Still I am all right...I can take it....  Aiming for 10KM next year, Insya'Allah...have been advised for 10KM run,  I must train for it.... else, it can be tough and even damaging. Since I could do 5KM, I just want to push myself a little further.  The euphoria of finishing the run and crossing the finishing line was epic!  It goes to show, determination is a huge role in success.  I was celebrating silently just after t...

This was me today at the clinic.......  must have partied too hard last Friday night, like I was 17.... went down with Flu and Fever on Saturday and naturally, Ms Asthma came to visit as well. On MC today. it could very well be the haze, but it is also a reminder that I am not getting any younger...I must restrain myself from partying like I did last Friday night during the company's DnD.  It was like a rock concert..... The kids are having their exams this week. Made doa for them. English and Malay subjects are their strength. Just hope they are not careless especially Abang.  I am tired. The asthma is causing my breathing to be very difficult. I wonder if I can make it for this Sunday's 5km run? or do I have to cancel it again.  I am immersed in this book called ~ Hostage. " A year at Gunpoint with Somali's Gangsters". It is a true account about a couple Rachael and Paul Chandler who was held hostage whe...

The good news we were waiting for this week, never came.... I am confuse..if I should be the good person and be the patient wife or just break down and refusing to even listen to anything.... Its most likely, this heart will choose to be good and patient. Insya'Allah.... The good news never came.  Uncertainties on what lies ahead. Both of us, feeling a little lost.  Part of me Redha....Part of me feels Bitter.....  I can let go, when I think of the less fortunate.....but I am not sure, how things will impact me....  Yes, I am confuse still.  What I know is I believe in Qadr and Qadar...as a Muslimah, I have to believe in what has been ordain and decree and it is one of the pillars in Rukun Iman.  I am reminded daily, of what Ustaz Hasbi taught me in one of his Tasawwuf class that I attended a few years back.  He said that Allah's Mercy is vast, and when Allah wants to give us Rezeki, it will be more than your ever...

Alhamdullilah...Its Overrrrr.... I brought the kids to Sentosa with my friend in the morning, and in between, managed to settle my Bibik's flight and airport stuff.  By 4.15pm, I was sitting in the dental clinic when Dr R called me in. "Are you ready?" he said....  "Hmmmmm"...... was my unsure responds to him.  After 4 injections  to numb my gums and abit of my lips, Dr R started to cut my upper back gums. When he said " Pass me Blade 12", my heart skipped a beat. Blade?  Seriously It was so scary, and I was picturing him cutting my gums in my mind. I tried to divert to happy thoughts and I pictured my kids jumping off the boat in the warm waters of Gili.  That was a good happy memory.  Still it wasn't enough. My mind kept thinking back of what Dr R was doing to my gums every time there was a blood spurt..... I tried to think of something better and the holy Kaabah came to mind. I was doing my Tawaf. Ahhh That's a good memory.  S...