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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Lovey

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What have I been up to lately? Well, things got so much better at home.. Alhamdullilah...Alhamdullilah…Alhamdullilah… I am calmer, my appetite to eat has returned.... Though the hurtful topic comes up now and then, I believe, he knows I love him very much and how I wanna save my marriage and have changed myself to ensure he is happy and he is number 1 is my life after Allah and Rasullulah…. I believe I have done my best to let him know, how it is hard for me to accept polygamy, and how much I love him and need him in my life, together with the kids. I believe he loves me, even stronger now, and he is happy with how I am taking care of him… we are stronger as a couple, and we share our emotions more now.  More hugs, more kisses, more holdings hands….. I know, he still hopes for what he dreams of which is to have me and her at the same time, but maybe he knows, chances are slim… I thank Allah that she is quiet and perhaps not the least bit interested;
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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Dear Heart

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Dear Heart,  I see you broken again I feel you tearing again Cos you feel, you are not the one he waits for,  You are not the one in this thoughts. Dear Heart, you are doing your best your determination to  Sabar and Ihklas Taubah and Regrets Realise and Move forward,  Love without conditions has left me in awe.  Dear Heart,  Be strong.  I, your soul, is crying with you Each time you realised you are not who he waits for,  I feel your pain and your sadness Dear Heart, Don't tell anyone but Allah for only HE will understand the hurt HE will make you stronger,  HE has promised to be with the sad.  Dear Heart,  Patience for he will return one day.  He will notice your steadfastness and your strength to love him unconditionally... Grit the pain, cry if you must, but wipe it after  and smile.  for he still loves you...  just not now. 
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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ you cared.

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I don't want to forget how you came to the clinic while I had my Wisdom tooth surgery last Thursday.  I thought, you might not be able to come. Though I was hoping you would. Like a little girl, I long to run to your arms and bury my face in your shoulders.  When our eyes met finally, your concerned look....I felt better instantly... to know you are there outside, waiting for me to be done.... To know, I had someone I could be manja too.  How you held me slowly and drove me home, with my swollen face. and how you hugged and kissed my forehead before you left again for work...... How lovely was the date at Short Street, the next day.. with my swollen cheeks.... Last night, you put yr arms around me as I layed my head against yr chest while you watched TV..... I felt your love for me.................like old days. How I regret....how I regret not immersing myself in your love every single day before this.  I told you....with tears in my eyes.
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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Praying next to you....

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Its now sheer happiness every time you get home from work....  to prepare your bath towel and prayer mats and make you feel at ease.... Alhamdullilah, I am thankful when you are home next to me and we are able to do Isyak prayers together, followed by Baa'diah and Witr and than I serve you dinner.  I am thankful when I get to do Jemaah next to you, as your makmum and you being my Imam. I hope this routine will never end.  Sitting next to you as you recite duas, the heart feels at ease.... terharu sangat.... but still hoping, you won't be taken away from me.  Everyday I pray, with all my heart, Allah will give me another chance to be a better wife than who I was before. 
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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Thankful...

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You must realised the tears which fall when you were asleep, sometimes you'd wake up and ask me why... I would never tell you and will pat you back to sleep.... I am trying to be strong....I regret those years where I try to be independent, not needy of you. I regret so much. Life is short. What if one of us goes tomorrow? Only Allah knows how much I miss being the only one in your heart.... The tears are also because I feel thankful, I still have you lying next to me....You are still next to me every night.  The weekend went well... Beach Road for dinner and the next day as well...remember the Mee Hoon goreng TER Pedas? and the free Mee Goreng after that?  Remember "Can I order but we share?" ~ Adik's infamous phrase... hehehe....  You coming over to spend time with us during our Staycation....I am thankful....  Us playing around in bed the next morning and not getting any privacy at all cos Abang and Adik climb on top of us...
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New Home...

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Alhamdullilah our new home is complete The toilets have been newly renovated by HDB and we have since moved back here again..Alhamdullilah..... I genuinely love our new home...its location and the layout.... I pray we can hold on to this house as long as we can The blessings left behind from the old owner can be felt Its our 3rd home together..I hope where ever you go, we will be together... I am alone in our room, waiting for you to come back... Everything feels complete except I feel empty inside. I feel rejected. I feel that the love you once had for me is gone...it comes and goes. When you remember her, I am a mere nothing.... I feel as if I am the lady the Hero don't love in the movie. No matter how good I am, I can never have that Top spot in your heart again. I feel like I am holding on to something that does not want to be held. I feel like I am the lady who does know know shame... to love a man who loves someone else.... But I am your wife.... Sh
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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Fragile

I admit...I am fragile My heart breaks into a million pieces I am weak knowing your intent It is not a life I dream of I admit...I am emotional There are things that are not meant to be shared I cry every night for so many nights It is not a life I dream of I admit I am hurt I am not made strong and I only have ALLAH to cling on to I know what will happen, Most importantly HE knows.... I admit...I pray you will face me again, Becomes the man I married Not the one who seems stuck to his past Not the man who hurt me yet I love him Unconditionally... I pray what is planned will be HIS plan Because HIS plans will be the one That can get me through this....
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