abang Issues Part 3


Tears just fall, fallen like the rain.
I could not take it anymore last night, I just burst.
I had to put a stop to this.

I came home tired, and wanting to spend some time with kids,
Tired but happy.
Oblivious to the things that happened behind my back.

But you text me again, unexpected. Again, you said Abang had scratched the boy and this time his mother saw with her own eyes.

I am truly sorry my boy did this. I am lost for words.

He likes to disturb his friends. At times he loves his friends, at times he does things to get their attention. At times, all I can say is he is a child and does not use his brains….
He is an active child and his mind is constantly moving.

I called up Abang’s teacher immediately after reading your text message.

His teacher painted a different picture of Abang.
Abang has mellowed a lot this year. He listens to his teacher more and his teacher believes in him. She does not like this idea of the mothers forming cliques and discussing Abang’s behavior. The mother’s have a bad perception of Abang and it seems that someone has been telling them how much a terror my son is.

In a way, I felt relived his teacher believed in him.

Ya Allah….berilah aku kesabaran.

Seriously, I am sad this has to happen. I am not saying that my son is an angel. No, I know he is wrong. But I prefer if the mothers go direct to the teacher or to call me direct rather than passing info to you and you tell me. I don’t know the full story and information can get truncated along the way.

So I told u frankly and you kept defending your friend saying she is pissed and you know what she can be like. And you commented on Abang as if you didn’t understand him.
Ive explained to you on why I felt Abang is like this before this kan.
I will never give up on Abang, though he can be so naughty, he is a sweet boy deep inside so as his mother, I will discipline him and at the same time I have to protect him.

We had an exchange of words and in the end, when I said no point arguing, and gave in, you said you were not arguing and you were sorry if you made things worse.

Im confused. I don’t know if I should have kept quiet like the last time, or it was right for me to put an end to all this passing of information. I am the sort who prefers to deal with the teacher and mother direct.
Really, I do treasure our friendship.

Its just that I don’t like people looking at Abang as if he is some kind of criminal. I do pray day and night that my kids turn out to be good Muslim’s but at times, I don’t have much control and I can just do my best to talk and scold Abang or Adik if they misbehaves. I try to be good examples but maybe I have not done my best that’s why abang likes to beat his friends and his sister.

But comparing last year and this year, abang did mellow quite abit.

Ive given Abang an ultimatum. If he decides to scratch or hit his friends again, I will give him a good beating and than send him to Teacher Nafisah’s house where she can discipline him day and night. Really I hope this works. He is scared of Teacher Nafisah.

At the end of the whole thing, I spoke to Abang and Adik how sad I am that Abang is in this trouble. Both of them listened intently and Adik was so funny, she ask her Abang,
“Ok tell me the reasons why u cannot beat your friend?” haha..so funny kan Adik, macam teacher teacher.

Abang looked sad and hugged me. I cant bring myself to beat him. I just kept explaining and explaining to him. Seriously, I really hope my words get to him. I hope he was sad because he knows his actions are wrong and not because he was scared of getting a beating from me.

I don’t know what his future will be like, but if he turns out to be a good and successful Muslim, I would be the most thankful mother.

I am hopefull, I am embarrass and I am sad. But life still goes on. This is only the beginning. My kids are still young. Many more challenges. I just have to take them with calmness and a lot of prayers.

Insya’Allah.

Comments

KakSri said…
Salam Ummi.My heart goes out to you and Abang...especially to you Ummi.
Glad that Abang has a very empathising teacher.That to me is a real comfort.I hope after this,after the conversation you had with this parent,things would be better for you and Abang.It is upsetting to have to listen to complains about your own child over and over again.I would.But do hang in there ok.This is indeed a test for you and may Allah make things easier for you and Abang day by day...yes dont give up ok.Abang needs you more,to find comfort and trust.At the same time,it is always nice to let him know how you feel each time when things happen.Reward him when he behaves each day,with a sticker chart or things like that.Let him look forward to the rewards to encourage him to be better each day.I am sure you have more ideas than this..heee.Budak2 hati bersih,kalau dia buat sesuatu is not out of malicious or things like that,prolly he yet to understand stuff.But in time,he will insya'Allah.Dont let those parents get the better of you ok.They can be more empathising than otherwise.
You are a fine mommy Ummi.What you teach,where you have been bringing them with you to diff masjids and whatnots...you are doing so fine.It is a phase for Abang ok.Hugss to you and your kids.Ummi jangan sedih naa ok.Smile and alhamdulillah for the healthy beautiful kids you have!Hugsss
Ummi Sha said…
Salaams Ksri...

awww sorry u have to write panjang lebar for me...thanks kak....
Glad u understand me, not everyone can understand.
I see the sweetness in Abang that no one can, maybe cos I am his UMMI, so thats why, I had to protect him, though I dont deny he is wrong....

Im still learning kak, when my son is naughty, other parents point fingers at the way I disciplin my son, but they dont know what I go thru...

thanks.... haha, ini baru 5 tahun boy....hope when he grows bigger, he will make me proud....Insya'allah

Huggs....

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