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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Wisdom

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Apa yang terjadi, sebenarnya ada hikmahnya
Kalau ini tak terjadi, mungkin aku tak sedar akan engkau memerlukan perhatian seorang isteri,
Sedangkan daun jatuh pun atas kehendak Allah, apakan lagi hati mu bila ia tergerak untuk mencari dia...
Allah mengaturkan segalanya, apalagi jodoh, pertemuan dengan orang yang tak tertentu, perasaan yang tak menentu...
Cinta yang turun naik…. Allah selalu meletakan sesuaty hikmah nya dalam segala sesuatu.
Everything happens for a reason…

In my case, aku percaya, it is to change me and make me a better person.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Lovey

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What have I been up to lately?
Well, things got so much better at home.. Alhamdullilah...Alhamdullilah…Alhamdullilah…
I am calmer, my appetite to eat has returned....
Though the hurtful topic comes up now and then, I believe, he knows I love him very much and how I wanna save my marriage and have changed myself to ensure he is happy and he is number 1 is my life after Allah and Rasullulah….
I believe I have done my best to let him know, how it is hard for me to accept polygamy, and how much I love him and need him in my life, together with the kids.
I believe he loves me, even stronger now, and he is happy with how I am taking care of him… we are stronger as a couple, and we share our emotions more now.  More hugs, more kisses, more holdings hands…..
I know, he still hopes for what he dreams of which is to have me and her at the same time, but maybe he knows, chances are slim…
I thank Allah that she is quiet and perhaps not the least bit interested; I hope. Her silence is scary and is unknow…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Dear Heart

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Dear Heart, 

I see you broken again
I feel you tearing again
Cos you feel, you are not the one he waits for, 
You are not the one in this thoughts.

Dear Heart,
you are doing your best
your determination to 
Sabar and Ihklas
Taubah and Regrets
Realise and Move forward, 
Love without conditions has left me in awe. 

Dear Heart, 
Be strong. 
I, your soul, is crying with you
Each time you realised you are not who he waits for, 
I feel your pain and your sadness

Dear Heart,
Don't tell anyone but Allah
for only HE will understand the hurt
HE will make you stronger, 
HE has promised to be with the sad. 

Dear Heart, 
Patience
for he will return one day. 
He will notice your steadfastness and your strength
to love him unconditionally...
Grit the pain, cry if you must, but wipe it after 
and smile. 
for he still loves you... 
just not now. 

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ you cared.

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I don't want to forget how you came to the clinic while I had my Wisdom tooth surgery last Thursday. 

I thought, you might not be able to come. Though I was hoping you would. Like a little girl, I long to run to your arms and bury my face in your shoulders. 

When our eyes met finally, your concerned look....I felt better instantly... to know you are there outside, waiting for me to be done....
To know, I had someone I could be manja too. 
How you held me slowly and drove me home, with my swollen face.
and how you hugged and kissed my forehead before you left again for work......
How lovely was the date at Short Street, the next day.. with my swollen cheeks....
Last night, you put yr arms around me as I layed my head against yr chest while you watched TV.....
I felt your love for me.................like old days. How I regret....how I regret not immersing myself in your love every single day before this. 
I told you....with tears in my eyes....
You love her  and I love you... but who loves me?
~ …

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Praying next to you....

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Its now sheer happiness every time you get home from work.... 
to prepare your bath towel and prayer mats
and make you feel at ease....

Alhamdullilah, I am thankful when you are home next to me and we are able to do Isyak prayers together, followed by Baa'diah and Witr and than I serve you dinner. 

I am thankful when I get to do Jemaah next to you, as your makmum and you being my Imam. I hope this routine will never end. 

Sitting next to you as you recite duas, the heart feels at ease.... terharu sangat....
but still hoping, you won't be taken away from me. 

Everyday I pray, with all my heart, Allah will give me another chance to be a better wife than who I was before.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Thankful...

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New Home...

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Alhamdullilah our new home is complete



The toilets have been newly renovated by HDB and we have since moved back here again..Alhamdullilah.....

I genuinely love our new home...its location and the layout....

I pray we can hold on to this house as long as we can

The blessings left behind from the old owner can be felt

Its our 3rd home together..I hope where ever you go, we will be together...

I am alone in our room, waiting for you to come back...
Everything feels complete except I feel empty inside. I feel rejected.
I feel that the love you once had for me is gone...it comes and goes.
When you remember her, I am a mere nothing....

I feel as if I am the lady the Hero don't love in the movie.
No matter how good I am, I can never have that Top spot in your heart again.
I feel like I am holding on to something that does not want to be held.
I feel like I am the lady who does know know shame... to love a man who loves someone else....

But I am your wife....
Shouldn't I love you?....

As long as you…