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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Dear Heart

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Dear Heart, 

I see you broken again
I feel you tearing again
Cos you feel, you are not the one he waits for, 
You are not the one in this thoughts.

Dear Heart,
you are doing your best
your determination to 
Sabar and Ihklas
Taubah and Regrets
Realise and Move forward, 
Love without conditions has left me in awe. 

Dear Heart, 
Be strong. 
I, your soul, is crying with you
Each time you realised you are not who he waits for, 
I feel your pain and your sadness

Dear Heart,
Don't tell anyone but Allah
for only HE will understand the hurt
HE will make you stronger, 
HE has promised to be with the sad. 

Dear Heart, 
Patience
for he will return one day. 
He will notice your steadfastness and your strength
to love him unconditionally...
Grit the pain, cry if you must, but wipe it after 
and smile. 
for he still loves you... 
just not now. 

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ you cared.

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I don't want to forget how you came to the clinic while I had my Wisdom tooth surgery last Thursday. 

I thought, you might not be able to come. Though I was hoping you would. Like a little girl, I long to run to your arms and bury my face in your shoulders. 

When our eyes met finally, your concerned look....I felt better instantly... to know you are there outside, waiting for me to be done....
To know, I had someone I could be manja too. 
How you held me slowly and drove me home, with my swollen face.
and how you hugged and kissed my forehead before you left again for work......
How lovely was the date at Short Street, the next day.. with my swollen cheeks....
Last night, you put yr arms around me as I layed my head against yr chest while you watched TV.....
I felt your love for me.................like old days. How I regret....how I regret not immersing myself in your love every single day before this. 
I told you....with tears in my eyes....
You love her  and I love you... but who loves me?
~ …

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Praying next to you....

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Its now sheer happiness every time you get home from work.... 
to prepare your bath towel and prayer mats
and make you feel at ease....

Alhamdullilah, I am thankful when you are home next to me and we are able to do Isyak prayers together, followed by Baa'diah and Witr and than I serve you dinner. 

I am thankful when I get to do Jemaah next to you, as your makmum and you being my Imam. I hope this routine will never end. 

Sitting next to you as you recite duas, the heart feels at ease.... terharu sangat....
but still hoping, you won't be taken away from me. 

Everyday I pray, with all my heart, Allah will give me another chance to be a better wife than who I was before.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Thankful...

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New Home...

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Alhamdullilah our new home is complete



The toilets have been newly renovated by HDB and we have since moved back here again..Alhamdullilah.....

I genuinely love our new home...its location and the layout....

I pray we can hold on to this house as long as we can

The blessings left behind from the old owner can be felt

Its our 3rd home together..I hope where ever you go, we will be together...

I am alone in our room, waiting for you to come back...
Everything feels complete except I feel empty inside. I feel rejected.
I feel that the love you once had for me is gone...it comes and goes.
When you remember her, I am a mere nothing....

I feel as if I am the lady the Hero don't love in the movie.
No matter how good I am, I can never have that Top spot in your heart again.
I feel like I am holding on to something that does not want to be held.
I feel like I am the lady who does know know shame... to love a man who loves someone else....

But I am your wife....
Shouldn't I love you?....

As long as you…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Fragile

I admit...I am fragile
My heart breaks into a million pieces
I am weak knowing your intent
It is not a life I dream of

I admit...I am emotional
There are things that are not meant to be shared
I cry every night for so many nights
It is not a life I dream of

I admit I am hurt
I am not made strong and I only have ALLAH to cling on to
I know what will happen,
Most importantly HE knows....

I admit...I pray you will face me again,
Becomes the man I married
Not the one who seems stuck to his past
Not the man who hurt me yet I love him Unconditionally...

I pray what is planned will be HIS plan
Because HIS plans will be the one
That can get me through this....

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ feeling a little better today.

Your reply to my Watapps this morning meant alot to me.....
at a time, when I felt like collapsing on my way to work.....
you called me Sayang.... 
. . .
I listened to Whitney Houston today...its as if she was singing about me....
I have nothing...nothing...nothing...if I don't have you....
Will our memories survive, what can I hold on to?
Can you feel the hurt in me, I feel so all alone....
I want to run to you.....
will you hold me in your arms...and keep me safe from harm?
Tell me will you stay? 
or will you run away