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Showing posts from July, 2015

~ Some days

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Yes on some days, the thought cross my mind of how much I miss some of the people that is close in my heart.  Its easier when they are just a text away...  But there are some people that are more of a memory.  At time, I find myself whispering, as if you are next to me....How much I miss you... and than I shrugged it off....How could I be talking to myself. Its almost an Unconscious state.
and the feeling of getting your text, makes me feel happy...that I am still in your thoughts.....at times makes me feel confuse. Are you still there as you said you will be? or does it mean nothing at all.
I am not expecting much either. Life goes on and everything in life has its wisdom.

~ Breathless

Sitting here, looking at my laptop...
I realised I have been feeling this way for a while now. 

My chest feels heavy, my brain feels tired as though I lack sleep
and I feel breathless.
Had a few black outs although quick like 1-2 seconds of it for the past few weeks. The ground sometimes moves and I have to stop my track for awhile.

Yesterday, after Break Fast, I went to see Dr Chung.
For one, I have low blood. All this while, my blood was normal. 
This is rather surprising cos I do eat red meat, so to have low blood seems quite strange to me.
and the DR said I need to rest and try not to be stressed. 
I am fine really. I am not stressed. I have learnt to accept things as it is enough to not cry out loud...

I really don't know how to tell the DR that I am quite privileged to have a helper at my beck and call. I am just tired with work mostly ...of which, today I felt really unappreciated by boss comments. 
It seems 1 tiny mistake can make her forget what effort I have put in my job...or mayb…

~ Silent Tears

I told you I was fine....But I am not. I told you to go ahead, but my heart was shattered to pieces, like broken glass.
Why do I choose not to say anymore...?
Bcos, its better to be Kind, than to be Bitter.  Its better to be happy, than live a life of depression ....
I want you to be happy...and I wonder, do you want the same for me? 


~ My Dear Adik..

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My dear Adik has been down with fever almost every 2 weeks now and I am getting worried. 
Truly worried. 
She started having fever during fasting month, than got better...
We found that she grew her 1st adult tooth. Could it be due to that?

Than she went down with Fever again after a few days. 
Dr Chung gave her Klacid Anti-Biotics which she hates by the way. 
A  week later, again, fever. Very high fever.
and now Its her 4th bout of fever.
Adik used to be so healthy. Its so rare that she gets fever.

The saddest part is Ummi have to work today as helpdesk is short-handed and Bibik has been tasked to bring adik to the DR. ( I HATE BEING A FULL TIME WORKING MOTHER HOKAY....)
Luckily, Tok and Nani will send them to the clinic...ALHAMDULLILAH FOR FAMILY.

When Adik was down with fever last 2 weeks, she told me, that she would leave me and will go and meet Rasullulah (saw) and Allah (swt)... and the Angels.
I pulled her body to me and hugged her so that she would not see the tears that had built up. 
I c…

~ The Fragile heart

~ Tonight, I questioned myself.... "Where is Allah is my heart?:"
Being a "Malam Jumaat" naturally, I made some effort to sit and zikir. 
I read the Ratib for my hubby. He is going through some transitions right now. 
Initially....it really felt as if I didn't want to be in this journey with him,
Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to leave him......

As I was reading the ratib, I questioned my own sincerity. 
The inner self was struggling...
to Be close to my Rabb.
Do I really love my creator, like I claim to or am I a hypocrite who says I walk the right path, yet at times I forget Allah and lose God from my own heart.

How do I return back to where I was? It seems that I am stuck in this moment....
A woman's heart can be strong as a lion, when it comes to protecting her family...
yet, it can also be so...so fragile when it comes to her own love story....

The answers to my own questions are actually quite clear. 
If I have Allah in my heart, nothing else matters. 

I am wo…

#Storyofmyheart

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I feel myself softening Its as if Allah's will I didn't want to... but My heart is slowly embracing life as what it has been written Taking you back in my life.. For its time for me to love you once again... Nevermind who I wished for you to be But who you want to be... I will walk with you as you wish...

Wipe away my tears will you... for He is gone...
#storyofmyheart

The Journey - Holiday Seasons

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Eid Mubaraq and Selamat hari Raya. 
I am sure, many mummies/parents can relate that EID season can be both Joyous and Stressful.

If the child behaves while he is out visiting, than its a relieve and comforting feeling. 
Alhamdullilah...
However, when the child decides "Not to Behave" and "Be in his Zone", how do you feel?...When YOU are the only one who understands the child and not the other family members who don't know about your child's condition and simple brand him unruly and not disciplined?

It seems that every EID season, I face the same old thing where people who don't know my son  us comment on Abang's behaviour. 
And each time it happens, I smile and keep quiet because I don't feel that they are close enough to me us to know that Abang might  have ADHD.
I will than talk to Abang later to correct him in his behavior when we have left the place.

I feel exasperated that each year, there must be an incident where Abang would be so happy, he forge…

#Ramadhan2015

Alhamdullilah, I am too lost for words actually.

This year has been meaningful amidst the sadness that is in my heart. I was given much opportunity to visit my favorite mosque during lunch hour as I was onsite on most of the Ramadhan days. 
I managed to pray Zuhr at Masjid Maulana (Raffles Place), Masjid Omar Kampung Melaka (Chinatown) and Maqam Habib Nuh (Shenton way). 

I made lots of dua while I was at the Maqam, It is still my favourite place to run to when I feel down or heavy-hearted.
Alhamdulilah, Habib Taha, the maqam's caretaker made dua for me and he patted my head, like a father to his daughter. Blessed Insya'Allah.  

I was also tested to a point it made me speechless on how hypocritical human beings can be especially on Facebook. 
I consulted my friend bro K who reminded me to be in continuous Zikr and not to care of what humans think. It is what Allah thinks of me that matters.

Everyone experience sadness, we just have to be tenacious and remember the main goal in life, w…

The Journey - Ramadhan 2015

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Abang during Sahoor 
Alhamdullilah, Abang and Adik have started fasting this year #Ramadhan2015. I was hoping that Abang would begin to understand what Ramadhan means and that fasting was one of the 5 pillars in Islam. 
Well done Abang...you are my sahoor companion. You would always be at the dining table first before Ummi. The picture above was just one of those days where you are were too sleepy to eat rice, else you had a big appetite during sahoor. Although you broke your fast on some days at school due to PE, Ummi is happy with your progress since you did not manage to fast at all last year. 

Adik, you were more determined. During school days, you woke up for sahoor, only drank MILO, but still fasted through the day. You would call Ummi and tell me you are thirsty. But when Ummi told you to drink a cup of MILO, you said "Its ok Ummi. I will just sleep and wake up when its time to Break fast."
Alhamdullilah.... lets take baby steps towards Taqwa my children. 

#FlashBack

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Looking back, I was happier with you around but it was never meant to be. 

Me: "What would I do without you?"
He: "You have Allah to be with you"
and true enough....every time I felt lost, Allah guided me. You were no longer in sight.

~ the story of my heart

#Ramadhan2015

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Its been awhile...




So many things happened this past 6 months..
Ramadhan passed too quickly. Time passed to fast. 
its the last week of fasting month here. 

Update on the kids: 
Alhamdullilah, Abang's behavior is getting  better, almost like a normal boy. Abang is only playful in his studies now. He still gets on my nerves but I have learnt to relax abit. I show him that I love him more now. 
Life is too short.....

Abang loves Adik (vise-versa) and I love watching them sit, talk and play wrestling together. 

Adik on the other hand has started primary 1. Adik started off really clingy and scared, but after awhile, I can see her coping. 

Its fasting month. Abang and Adik have both started fasting full time now. Adik is more determined than Abang When she is thirsty, she goes to sleep.

I am a thankful Ummi. Alhamdullilah.