Mixed Feelings...

Its but another Sunday night....I am feeling down.
I know I am going to have another separation anxiety with the kids again after having spent lots of quality time with them this weekend....



"Why cant the weekend be at least 3 days? 2 days is just not enough... 3 days would be just nice." I complained to hubby in the car one day....

As if he could do anything about it.... yeah wishful thinking. 


Work is important, as important as my hope to attain family work life balance.... 


Work has increased, but yes I cant complaint, as so is the pay. It will help....


Sometimes I wonder if its worth it to leave my kids 8-10 hours in a day just to earn $ to have the luxuries we need. I think and I think and I really know it is more than just the luxuries. It is the CPF, medisave, insurance, a sense of intelligence and confidence. It is also a sense of progress. But of course, being a Stay at home mum is the most noble job I can think of as yet. But I havent been able to be one yet.


It is always this love and hate relationship with work and being a Stay at home mum and at the end of the day, we need the finances and it IS not the right time. 


I guess many of us working mum feels this way.


Adik is more loving now, always giving me huggs unexpectedly... The most loving Adik. 
Abang, well he is just being a boy. Lazy, smart and naughty. 


I don't know if I am really looking forward to Ramadhan. My mind is always on work these days. How I can improve myself without going overboard and too vocal? I am not that sort. I want to excel but in my own way... I am hoping, I can succeed... Its scary.....so much expectations.


With the blessings Ramadhan brings, I pray it brings unity and understanding in my circle. Hate and greed is dangerous. Jealousy is like a fire. I pray to be protected from these.


Mum is well. Alhamdullilah.....
Her fistula veins were revived during her 7 days stay in the hospital. A miracle indeed considering, the one on the left hand died last year with much failure in the balooning procedure. We prayed very hard this time...for a miracle that there wont be much pain, and if the veins could work again.....and it did happened!! Thank you Allah.

Time for me to spend the last 2 hours before bedtime with the kids...solat isyak and maybe read some books....


May this week pass fast and with ease. Insya'Allah.

Comments

KakSri said…
Salam Shahnaz!
You know,I personally believe,working outside moms and sahms have a mutual sentiment called, guilt.We have the freedom to choose and I believe sis,it depends on our intentions and how yaqin are we in the Creator and Master Planner.And we all come from different paths and have unique sense of perspectives.As a sahm for 10 years plus,I learn to exercise yaqin.It is an ongoing learning journey of self as long as I live insya'Allah.And wonderful working moms like you too can exercise this in order to attain bliss in whatever you do insya'Allah.Eitherways,I believe,we are no lesser moms/wife than the other bi iznillah,as long as we are doing things with taqwa.Don't be too hard on yourself ok.May you attain spiritual bliss and your doas be answered amin...hugs and warmest thoughts:)
Ummi Sha said…
Salaams Kak!

: ) you are right, we come from different path and every family is unique and different. I believe, this is my path...
True, Yaqin is very important, since I cant justify being a SAHM yet, and hubby is still finding his footing to be the Solebreadwinner, I guess, best is I yaqin that I can balnce work and family life...Insya'allah...

Meantime ramadhan Mubaraq to you and family sis : )