~ Staying Strong for him...

Alhamdullilah...3^rd week of Syawal just passed. 

We had a mini open house last Sunday as some relatives from Dad’s side wanted to visit Mum. My colleagues and Hubby’s family and relatives also came and the food was just nice for all. Most of the cookies and cakes are finished. I'm happy that there is no wastage this year and I managed to cut down on ordering Hari Raya kuehs.

Throughout every visitor we had, I had prayed that ALLAH swt sent his Barakah to my home. Ameen.

~ actually....No one knew the sadness underneath my smile.

Many things are going on. Overnight, the company that I worked with for over 15 years has been acquired but a Giant American Company. We will be supporting more that what we are doing now. Can the whole team cope? I plan to cross the bridge when the time comes. 

I am also unsure If I can take the extra workload. No mention yet on the new pay package. Honestly, I am happy with what I am getting now. Just give me more time with the kids.

My heart keeps telling me that Allah is the best of Planners and Allah is the one who is in charge of my family’s sustenance.....Tawakkal....But I cannot help feeling uncertain and weak for what Dear Hubby is going through now.

Dear Hubby is going through some rough patch. Yes....rough patch are good for us to return back to ALLAH. 

I cannot bear to not be by his side, cos he seems very down. I realized, no matter what happens, when DH feels down, I will feel down too. It affects me a great deal. 
No matter what, I have to be there and ensure his spirit is strong and he knows family is by his side. Only Allah knows how sad I feel for DH but I have been showing DH my strong side and telling him in turn to be strong. I cannot show him my worries because I do not what him to be more affected that what he is feeling now. DH is seldom sad as he himself do not like to open up his feelings to me. 

I was so adamant that he deserved this test but when the actual test came, I cannot bear to let DH go through it alone. After all, he is the man I had loved for the past 10 years. I pray to God that our family be protected from anything bad.

The thought of running away from my worries and migrating did cross my mind. I am tired of working here with all the pressure and stress. Hubby can start anew somewhere else, and I can look after the kids. But its easier said than done. So many other factors like safety, schooling and being away in a foreign land.

Mum too needs me here. I heard her groaning in pain last weekend when she got up from bed. MANY TIMES....
How could I ever leave MUM and my family although the heart wants to run away from everything at this moment...?

I could never do that unless I am prepared to live with the guilt.

Life is full of ups and downs huh....

My faith in GOD have to be stronger than my faith in human beings. 
Humans... disappoint.

but.... Allah SWT will never leave the ones who needs him......

~ I miss the happy girl that I was because of you. Because of the man I loved.