~ Repentance


As it turns out, we made it to Habib Ali's talk yesterday at Masjid Muhajirin. 
Again, ALLAH swt is showing me the power of making Intentions. 

Habib Ali spoke about Repentance, Tawbah.
One is to make at least 70 Istigfar in a day. That is the amount of Istigfar our Prophet Muhammad SAW made in a day....
so what more us, who has many many sins....

Astaghfirullahal'adzim, alladzi la ilaha illa huwal hayyul qoyyumu wa atubu ilaih'

Next is to put it in our hearts, that we will never make that mistake again.

Last is to cautiously be aware that ALLAH SWT is watching us, thus we wont do the same sin again. 

At the point that Habib kept talking on and on about Tawbah, I felt and know that I have made a huge sin recently and I need to go back to who I was before. 
I have made many attempts to run back to ALLAH and to istigfar,.. however this heart of mine is not able to let go. 

I keep on hoping that you will come back to remind me to do good things and you will cheer me up when I am down. 
But I know that I am no longer in your heart and that there is her, I am just a distant faded memory. 

Ultimately, I know ALLAH is the main ONE who can heal my wounds, Remind me of doing good and will cheer me up ever so much, 
no other BEING can do that. 
I feel I am ready to move on. I wish you well with her,... from the bottom of my heart. 
I do not want to ever rely on any other human being, but Reliance only is to my CREATOR. 

Alhamdullilah, we are adjusting as a family without a Bibik. 
I keep reminding my family to stay in the remembrance of ALLAH. 
Who knows when is our last breath. 
It could be anytime. 
The heart is dead anyway without Zikir in our hearts.