~ Mum....

Back from hiatus. 
The past few mths was spent on caring, fussing and spending time with the kids and immersing my concentration on their school work and their well being of adjusting to a new class with new teachers. 

I tried to heal myself by forgetting about that one person whom I had yearned for. 
I cut off all contacts and I spend my free time, reading the Quran. 

I tried to drown my sorrows by cooking for the kids, I thought I was doing well, on the road to happiness....

but even that didn't really prepare me for what I was told a few moments earlier.

Mum has a spine infection and she has to be warded longer. The Dr's at CGH is not farmiliar with this bug, thus more test would have to be done. I am praying her MRI scan results will be negative of anything deadly.
2 days ago, I rushed mum to the hospital at 3am in an Ambulance. It was my first ambulance ride and I never thought, that one day I would be sitting in front of an ambulance, while mak sits at the back with paramedics around her. It was also the first time I called for an ambulance. 995.

In the wee hours of the night, Mum had raised the white flag and could no longer bear the back pains, top with one week of fluctuating fever, highest being 41degress. I think this old lady had suffered enough. 
she requested for an ambulance in the midst of her pain.

My heart is now worrying....and I don't know how else I can release this feelings, here now in the office.... besides writing it out.