~ May 2017.... The feelings I feel

This is Me...

I felt so empty today, maybe cos it’s been 3 days of heavy bleeding…..

The soul felt lost. As if there is no life, like a zombie just making her way to work, on a gloomy Monday Morning…..

My heart belongs at home with my kids… after spending a good weekend with them…My lips smile, thinking of the last weekend….

Drove around with the kids and Mum…I feel proud of myself, able to take up my hubby’s role which is to run the errands and able to drive further than my comfort zone.

We went to my cousin’s place in Bedok and then I drove mum and Rania back to Figaro.

The past few months have been a big test for me… with mum’s sickness and Abang’s behavior issues.

I must say, I don’t really know how I managed to go through all this if it is not for Allah’s help.

Many times, I felt as if I was going crazy.

Juggling everything from a daughter, to a mother to a wife.

Not to mention his in senseless idea to get a second wife.

Am I selfish to not agree?

Anyway, Mum is well now, Alhamdullilah….her spine is free from TB. But the antibiotics continue till maybe another 3 more months….

As for the kids, at times, it’s really hard cos one simple instruction has to be repeated many..many times just so they listen… sometimes only when I shout or take the Rotan, than things get moving…

My chest can’t take this..I told Abang and Adik many times, that I’m not well…that my asthma will come once I start shouting…. (It really does, very often now a days)

The exam week last week was really stressful… end up, I pasrah and leave it to God …cos I tried my best to do revisions with them and provide them a tutor… I can see that Adik tries and Adik can do her most of her Maths sums… but for I really pity Abang cos his Maths is really weak. At times, he does try… at times, I can see he gave up….

I don’t have the luxury of having a helpful hubby sitting next to the kids, coaching them in their studies… its all me …. While the hubby works hard outside… Many times I fel like quitting and be a housewife…

But Many times, as well, I worry about how we will cope financially if it becomes only 1 income for us…

The BIG move will take effect most likely in Aug, I am Upgrading amidst the downgrading…

There is a reason why I am saying this….

It does look like an upgrade, while in paper it’s a downgrade to a smaller place.

Till then, I will keep staying positive…. And I will keep praying that my family will be protected and may our days be filled with ease and blessings..Aamiin.