|Snapping some Pics @ Masjid Sultan|
Last weekend was one of the hardest by far, and IT hasn’t even begun yet
The stress and pain was overwhelming, not to mentioned how I miss the old you. The old and NICE loving you.
The one that does not talk about her to me.
Nonetheless, you have been the best husband I can ask for minus the romanticness that I wished for..hehe. In all other areas, you have made me a happy wife.
Now it seems, she is a regular topic that you will bring up, leaving me sheredded and in pain.
I believe if Allah wills it, who am I to stop it. After all, jodoh has been written for us when were are a mere blood clot in our mother’s womb.
I can’t stop it. I will accept it, no matter how painful it is for me. Because, I love you deeply, embedded in my heart and I want our kids to have a complete home, unlike me whose dad went away.
I will be nice. But that is as far as I will go.
I cannot be all right with something that hurt me so much.
Yes, I don’t own you, but we are husband and wife. There must be some sort of love, kindness and commitment between each other.
I really can’t seem myself with another man, sadly…
I won’t trust another as well.
I only have you in my heart. Allah and Rasullulah and you.
I am praying for strength, to be strong and a good pious Muslimah. I am praying that it wont be hard for me and for my heart. I istigfar many many times a day….
It was too painful last weekend. But…..Allah is kind.
He gave me some happiness as well.
When you mellowed and loved me again on Sunday, it was the day we met, 14 years ago
The memory lives vividly, of a young man who was smitten by me, in plain light purple baju kurong and Pink tudung. I know you were sincere in loving me 14 years ago.
….(Last night), the flowers, the dinner at Koh Nang Kam and how you put food on my plate, the playful hugs on the bed, which got the kids all excited….. somehow, the hurt went away.
How happy Adik was to see us happy….she loved the flowers so much. She pretended her husband gave it to her.
How happy she was that I might go and get her some flowers today. :)