Words from my Heart...

I admit...I am fragile My heart breaks into a million pieces I am weak knowing your intent It is not a life I dream of I admit...I am emotional There are things that are not meant to be shared I cry every night for so many nights It is not a life I dream of I admit I am hurt I am not made strong and I only have ALLAH to cling on to I know what will happen, Most importantly HE knows.... I admit...I pray you will face me again, Becomes the man I married Not the one who seems stuck to his past Not the man who hurt me yet I love him Unconditionally... I pray what is planned will be HIS plan Because HIS plans will be the one That can get me through this....

Your reply to my Watapps this morning meant alot to me..... at a time, when I felt like collapsing on my way to work..... you called me Sayang....  . . . I listened to Whitney Houston today...its as if she was singing about me.... I have nothing...nothing...nothing...if I don't have you.... Will our memories survive, what can I hold on to? Can you feel the hurt in me, I feel so all alone.... I want to run to you..... will you hold me in your arms...and keep me safe from harm? Tell me will you stay?  or will you run away

Dunia boleh buat apa apa tapi mereka tak boleh menang kekuasaan Allah Di mana aku merasa tiada jalan untuk ku,  Aku Yaqin, Allah akan gantikan nya dengan yang lebih baik Ketika aku menangis dalam keperitan,  Allah melihat aku.  Aku hanya berpegang kepada dunia padahal, dunia yang hakiki adalah di akhirat nanti Apa yang aku sayang, bila di ambil balik,  aku yakin, Allah akan gantinya dengan yang lebih baik hanya aku tak nampak nya sekarang Dukacita ini, hanya seketika sahaja,  Hati aku mesti dekat dengan Allah.  Kesedihan ini mesti membuatku rapat dengan Allah.  Allah telah campakkan kesedihan ini di dalam diriku aku tidak berdaya untuk melawannya hanya untuk menjadi isteri yang lebih baik  dan mencari Allah pada waktu malam ku.. Ya Allah Aku mohon perlindungan mu dari dukacita yang telah menimpa diriku ini Mungkin dukacita ini akan membawa ku ker syurga. Mungkin kalau ini tidak menimpa ku, aku akan terus jadi manusia yang ...

Most of times, I find myself looking in,  your eyes, they are not meant for me anymore sometimes, I pray that you stay your old true self, and not evolve into a man, i can barely recognise  I felt I had to let go at times,  sacrifice myself for your love, even if it bleeds but i dont have the courage to live this life without you.  to do everything alone, without you by my side I wait outside hoping, looking in tears in my eyes, knowing I am not the one you heart yearns for cos I am not wanted anymore I am not the one you miss anymore.  she is all you see the loves songs are for her I am just no one, gone in the wind memories lost....just like that for 12 years, you held me close,  we did most things together,  I was your happiness, you were my love do you think this is what I deserve? the danger was I loved you too much you used to say I love you to me You used to tell me you missed me  All this is lost, suddenly... ...

Snapping some Pics @ Masjid Sultan Last weekend was one of the hardest by far, and IT hasn’t even begun yet The stress and pain was overwhelming, not to mentioned how I miss the old you. The old and NICE loving you. The one that does not talk about her to me.  Nonetheless, you have been the best husband I can ask for minus the romanticness that I wished for..hehe. In all other areas, you have made me a happy wife. Now it seems, she is a regular topic that you will bring up, leaving me sheredded and in pain. I believe if Allah wills it, who am I to stop it. After all, jodoh has been written for us when were are a mere blood clot in our mother’s womb. I can’t stop it. I will accept it, no matter how painful it is for me. Because, I love you deeply, embedded in my heart and I want our kids to have a complete home, unlike me whose dad went away. I will be nice. But that is as far as I will go. I cannot be all right with something that hurt me so ...

The adventurous jump at Gili Trawangan Semoga Allah gantikan kesedihan di hati kami dengan kebahagiaan, menggantikan apa yang kita hilang dengan yang lebih baik.....Aamiin. setiap ujian ada hikmah yang indah. hanya aku takut kehilangan orang yang sangat aku sayang.

Ya Allah.... sungguh kejam kata-katanya.....aku tahu, itu bukan dia.... Ya Allah,  Berilah aku kekuatan Lembutkan hatinya...Aku sayangkan dia.... Bantulah kami dan jangan engakau pisahkan kami... Kuatkan hati ku, sesungguhnya aku perlu berkerja....hentikan tangisan ku. Aku perlu kuat demi anak-anak ku.....demi Asyura. Ya Allah,  Engkau bukakan hatinya untuk sayangkan kami kembali seperti dahulu.    La ilaha illa Anta , Subhanaka, inni kuntu mina z-zalimin.  لا إلهَ إلا أنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنْتُ مِنَ الظّالِمِيْنَ.