Words from my Heart...

Last week, for the first time in our parenting life, we left our 2 small kids in the care of our helper and moms, to go on a romantic "Hill-Top Resort" 4 days vacation. Some Parents may have done this regularly; some may never want to do it. For us, it was a 50/50 thing. I needed a break, but was sad to leave the kids. My hubby on the other hand, wanted to spend some exclusive time with me and was certain, time away from the kids would do all of us good. Well, we set off after speaking to the helper who was all the more willing to let us have our alone time.    Surprisingly, Adik did not cry. She only asked me cheekily if she could tag along and I explained to her again that Ummi and Abah are on a Honeymoon so NO kids allowed. The city of Bandung This city in West of Java strikes me off as Singapore 30 years back.   It looked alot like the streets of Malaysia too. Airport check out was a breeze and we met our driver.   We ...

God Willing, I will be travelling away from my kids It’s something that Hubz and I had planned since last year, For a romantic anniversary getaway, Sans the kids....   The time has finally come, for this romantic getaway Truth be told, I am a little nervous. I know I shouldn’t be as my parents and in-laws will assist to look after them kids However, I’m concern over Adik as she is one little girl who is too attach to me. I hope, she will be strong and her mind will not be preoccupied with missing me.   If this getaway is a success, I guess Insha’Allah, Hubby and me will be more daring in planning future getaways, maybe further or longer. For now, we are going somewhere nearby and for a few days only.   On Hindsight, I am looking forward to resting, swimming, 'spa-ing', eating and of course, reigniting the romance with Hubz.   If we do things, for the sake of Allah, the results will be blessed....

Sometimes I feel as if my boy....and me are walking a road alone.... with Adik and our Bibik.... We are the people who often see my boy at his Worse and at his Best.... After work, I go home and teach him...Alone.... I scream, I scold, I shout..... or I laugh, I hug and I smile.... He doesn't know.... Cos its just us...and Our Creator. May We be given strength....Our problems are so small compared to the problems of other children in this world. I just watched this show on CHANNEL NEWS ASIA on HIV kids in Myanmar. It was so heart-felt and sad. Orphans as young as 4 years old are being send to the HIV shelter to get better and than they have to learn to fend for themselves in this huge world. Oh....It made me think.... the problems I face with Abang is nothing compared to the problems of other children in this world. The sufferings they face are far more atrocious than what Abang and I go through, in face, I cannot even call it a problem. I am ashamed. I will ...

Alhamdullilah.....We are ok now..after I trew "Lemons" at you..... You strongly deny any negative thoughts that I had and reaffirm your commitement and love to us.   I dont know..... Just wanna be a good wife and a good mother.... I just want us to be intact above all odds I dont want my kids to go through what I went through...to loose a father.....   One day we will be good..... I know we will.....   Raising kids maybe difficult... but seasons will past and things will change....   I just hope we, the family......change for the better.   Insya'allah...  

  My heart feels cramp. It is indeed stressful for me. Didn’t realise that I will get very affected by what I saw on your handphone yesterday. It was her name. She must be too perfect. Single and holding a good job.   My body feels pain, chest feels heavy and all I feel like doing is cry. It’s not fair to the kids.   They deserve to be in a happy environment, happy family.   I didn’t want to bring this to work, but the pain was just unbearable. You are a good man, a good husband. We are happy.... But why....I just can’t understand.   I broke down in front of D. We talked. My eyes are hurting.   Sharp.   Don’t you know it hurt us so?

  Childhood is a very beautiful and fun part of Life and I should not rob Abang of his childhood....JUST to ensure that he grows up Normally. Am I making sense at all?   Often I tell him to be quiet when he is squealing.   I tell him to keep still when he is dancing   and I tell him to Stop It when he imagines monsters and ghost.....   and I expect Abang to have a happy childhood?   I dont want Abang to hate his childhood and all that he remembers is to get beaten by his Mad and uncontrollable Ummi.   I realise that I will let Abang be who he is. I will guide him, and love him and entertain his unbelievable stories....who knows he might be a successful Author one day?   Some positive feedback from Abang teachers this week. Great Keep it up son. You did well for spelling...and remember your Teacher gave you a lollipop because you got full marks for Spelling and she told you not to tell your classmates but yo...

19 Jan 2014 I am stressed...Its the weekend but we have loads of homework to do... Imagine his teacher gave him 35 pages of maths to finish in 2 days.....I have to guide him because he didn't do it in class....I really don't think this is fair to me and taxing on Abang..... Abang is beside me now...doing Subtractions numbers 0-100 I have guided him many many times on the concept of borrowing and carry over. He just gives me a blank look and refuse to use his brains. I have tried beating, I have screamed until my blood pressure shot up. I have tried being nice, being formal ...being firm I have gone from sane to insane to sane to insane..I laughed...laughed like a mad woman. Because I have guided him again and again and yet...... ........still he expects me to guide him number by number....   Allah....Allah....Allah.....