Words from my Heart...

Bonding time together at the Hill Top Bridge Adik surveying the FIG tree  The weekend passed by too quickly these days... I love the ones where we get to spend time together doing fulfilled activities I love my family and treasure every moment with them.... The kids grow up too fast actually. This weekend, Adik and Abah joined Ummi on a long 10km hike along the southern ridges. Even though it wasn't an easy trail, you guys did not complain and accompanied my whims and fancies.  I also got to bring Abang to a big meal for dinner at Swensons Changi Airport since he gave the trail a missed. Its important I get to spend time with both my kids, equally.... Nothing else matters if the kids are happy in a good way. I also told Dear Hubby how much I treasure him spending time with me.  I love you guys with all my heart.  Healing is a process Letting go of the EGO. Forgiveness... and Just loving.... At the end of the day, it...

  23 October 2016 I met my dad for the first time in 7 years since the day he left Jalan Paras. For 7 years, I carried the hurt and heart break. And I could never find the will to forget. As a woman, I had to be on Mum’s side. Today, as if all the pain was carried away by the wind, my heart was light. Its as though I was healed. Masya’Allah. I buried my head in his hug. I couldn’t say a word. Too lost in emotions. The kids looked on, so happy Ummi and Dada are in good terms again. (Kids, Im sure you remember this moment kan? For 7 years, my dad have been meeting the kids at the void deck of my home. Its time, we reconcile. The first thing dad said to me was “ You put on weight huh??” Sure dad...7 years ago, I was much …much slimmer. Hehe….. We spent about 30 minutes talking, catching up on moments lost while the kids played around us. We sure have more to say….. hopefully one day, you will have all the kids surround you dad. 

Today the kids will be sitting for the English Paper SA2 Their studying patterns have changed.  They seems to think that if they have it in them, they can do it...no point spending hours studying... I wonder if this method works... After all, every kid is different.... I was never the kind of mother than pushes her kids really hard. For Abang, I am happy if he passes....I sense Abang is a late-bloomer, just like me. For Adik, I expect a little more. But I won't push her to be in Band A or a 70 percent and above student...If she does way beyond my expectations, Alhamdullilah, I am thankful. I want them to enjoy learning and push themselves using their own will.  I will forever be there to support them in their learning journey if they need me.... Recently, the news of the 11 year old boy who jumped down his flat because his exams results was not to his mother's expectation was indeed tragic. He died. He was only in primary school and had ...

Its exam season and I have 2 weeks to prepare the kids well. Judging from how they have been doing, I can see my children are average children but with creative minds. Abang has good memory actually, because he can remember many things that I can’t myself, but he seems to always do badly for Maths. This time round, I hope he at least hit a 45/100 and it would be an achievement. Tuition has only little effects. Many times Abang told me to stop his tuition because I am only wasting money on the tuition fees. I guess Hubby is right. Abang will only start learning and passing when his heart wants too. No point forcing. Of course, as his Ummi, I cannot NOT force him. Every Exam season, Ummi gets stressed. Lumrah Kehidupan kan. Abang takes Higher Malay. I hope he does well for his Malay exams. He seems to have a thing for Peribahasa and is able to do Kefahaman well. As for Adik, I am starting to be concern. For a student who can do Maths, she seems to slacken thi...

Daddy called me today as I was stepping out of the bus, just a few steps from home... Its been awhile....I took the call.  I was holding back the tears.... I'm sure he knew....I will always be his little girl.  Dad gave me some advise....about what sadness I was facing.  all I wanted for him to know was that I missed his presence in my life..... I know where he is, somewhere in JB  yet, I have not found the permission to visit him....I am sure, after 7 long years, I now have the courage to see him face to face.... i realized whatever dad did or what were his reasons, It was not to harm me.  It may be due to circumstances.... As humans, we err and sin... Allahhhhh.....  I'm glad we talked... Alhamdullilah .....

Mum after her Dialysis session at NKF  Just Dropped of Mummy for her dialysis session. Time check 6.25 am It has been my duty to drive Mak for her dialysis session every Monday morning right after Subuh. The dialysis centre is roughly 10 mins drive from home. Alhamdullilah for the opportunity. I see it as an obligation of a child towards her mother. I usually drop Mak off and while seeing her walk under the blocks, my heart says a prayer for her...while I'm in my car; for Allah to ease Mak's life and grant her good health and happiness. Then I drive off.... Tawakkal to Allah SWT to take care of Mak for me.... HE is the best Protector. Mak is strong.... On Wednesdays and Fridays Morning.... I'd call GRAB taxi to fetch her at her place and send her to the centre. Time will be around 6.15am. Mak obviously is a brave granny! To take a taxi in the wee hours alone. Masya'Allah. I pray, that she will end her life, a good way with Husnul Khotima, considering the sadness...

so......Mak decided to stay with Abang.... He will be moving to a big landed property He will be giving Mak her own room on the ground floor Mak can use all the air con she wants Mak can have her own garden again.  suddenly, her promise to me changed.... My heart is broken... i AM happy for Abang and his family but I really wanted Mak to stay with me suddenly I question my own intentions....all these while, its only me and sis who has been going up and down the hospital appointments with Mak...and if Mak has any problems, it was always me that had to listen and help..... and who does she choose to stay with, not me.  I had looked forward to have her stay with me..even though our home is not big and we are not wealthy, we are considered OK. Medium. average.... Our house is blessed. We pray.... we go to the masjid.... Yet..... Its not easy to be truly ikhlas . Especially when we don't feel appreciated.  Texted Bro K....who understands and gave me som...