Words from my Heart...

This was me today at the clinic.......  must have partied too hard last Friday night, like I was 17.... went down with Flu and Fever on Saturday and naturally, Ms Asthma came to visit as well. On MC today. it could very well be the haze, but it is also a reminder that I am not getting any younger...I must restrain myself from partying like I did last Friday night during the company's DnD.  It was like a rock concert..... The kids are having their exams this week. Made doa for them. English and Malay subjects are their strength. Just hope they are not careless especially Abang.  I am tired. The asthma is causing my breathing to be very difficult. I wonder if I can make it for this Sunday's 5km run? or do I have to cancel it again.  I am immersed in this book called ~ Hostage. " A year at Gunpoint with Somali's Gangsters". It is a true account about a couple Rachael and Paul Chandler who was held hostage whe...

Had the chance to volunteer for an event last Saturday Night...as an usher... I am certain, I should just stick to being an attendee instead as I need to hear the talks rather than be a Volunteer. At this point of my life, I feel, I am more in need to listen to the speakers, take notes and learn. Nonetheless, It went OK....Alhamdullillah..an opportunity to help the community.  The talk was awesome...by my favorite speaker...Shaykh Abdul Aziz Ahmed Frederick at Max Atria.... This Shaykh....he is too humble. He does not like to be called Shaykh and he would rather play with children as that is his current job now.  But his Ilmu is just too deep and he is the epitome of humbleness.... The topic of the night was 'The Healing Heart'.... Shaykh Abdul Aziz spoke about depression...Its a type of mental illness, how real this illness is, and how to overcome it.  I personally believe, I have been hit my depression, especially after my so...

Tonight, I cried after reading the Quran...I was alone at the Musollah....The kids were asleep..... I thought I had lost the sense to cry to GOD. It has been quite some time, that my heart seemed hardened and most times, I could only stare in space after making doas... Tonight, I cried....like a baby.... Ya ALLAH...I seek your refuge, I seek your protection.... I cried because I thought of Mak and how she is enduring the pains in her bones. I cried thinking of how tired I am that I had missed Habib Ali's class without even remembering that there is class tonight. I cried because Abang has brushed away my kisses on his cheeks and shouted because he was cranky due to his runny nose. I cried because work is terrible and highly stressful and as a Team Lead, I am expected to be able to handle it. I cried thinking of how unfortunate some Muslims are around the world, the Rohingyas, the Syrians and the Palestinians...all of whom face bigger catastrophes than what I am f...

Today is Dear Hubby last week with current job. Mood is melancholic of course, but I have been telling hubby that new and better things awaits. I am looking forward to a free Thursday night, now that he do not have anymore concalls on Thurs night, at least we can go to masjid Ba’alwie whenever Friday is a PH. Insya’Allah. There is always a blessing towards any failure or fall. The kids are oblivious. They know Abah will leave O.... and they know Abah have not found another job yet , but they don’t understand that finance will be a little tight until Abah finds another job. The kids don’t know the discussions that Ummi and Abah have every morning and every night. Through all this, I am thankful, Abah still can smile and became close to all of us like before.  Eventhough Abah has lots of ideas, on what he wants to do, I am sure his heart will only be ease once he has secured something stable and firm. I know, he is worried. I can see an increase in his Jema...

Somehow, it was a pleasant surprise when Abang told me he was made class monitor.  It seemed almost impossible since Abang not only is an average student, but also a playful one.  Ummi had as usual, encouraged Abang and was happy for Abang, but deep down my heart, I had felt that his form teacher could have chosen him just to motivate him that he can achieve success. Than at night, Abangs teacher Mdm Diyanah sent me a WatsApps and asper the message, she informed Ummi that Abang had put in effort and a little more serious in his studies. Alhamdullilah! Segala pujian hanya untuk Allah swt.  I'm not sure if he can last as monitor through the term too. God Willing. At 9 years old, Abang don't really know how to control his emotions, often too happy without worries, needs to be told to solat and still have that little bit of angst that he had when he was a growing toddler.  Ummi often pray and dream that Abang will suceed and get a degree. Ummi often f...

Study time during exam season are the hardest and most stressful.  Not only do we have alot of topics to cover, but to see Abang struggling with the past topics really makes me sad.  Abang can pass well for English and Malay but his Maths and Science are terrible. I had hoped that Abang would do well for Science but it seems his grasps for this subject is very basic.  Ummi always shout at Abang....cos I know he can do better but refuse to concentrate.... Hubby keeps telling me to let him grow at his own pace but I always felt that if I didn't push him, he will not get any better. I pity Abang and really wonder what his future will be like. Abang does not know the importance of good education yet.  Adik on the hand, can do better that what she is achieving now. Unfortunately, I often leave her on her own to study as I am monitoring and guiding Abang.  I feel terrible for neglecting Adik. That is what I am trying to stop "Facebook time and going...