Words from my Heart...

Mum in a wheelchair at SGH A&E at 4am The past few days has been rather tiring. I haven’t had proper sleep, waking up at 3.30am. I wake up, go to the toilet, take wudhuk and have been doing night prayers. I pray for mummy’s health and that the suffering would not be much. Sometimes I read Ratib, or surah Yasin or just recite selawat Syifa many times. I sleep again at 5am and wake up for the day’s events at 6.15am. Mummy is now alone, in isolation ward, because the Drs need to check if she has TB in her lungs. She has been tested positive for TB in her spine… Meaning 6 weeks of Antibiotics under IVF drip… Allah : ( I can sense she wants to give up. She misses home. She misses her grandkids, but I am in really no control of when she can be discharged. This antibiotics also comes with its own side effects eg liver and nerves failure. But then again, all medications comes with a risk of side effects although it’s low. Last week I sent mum to SGH at 4am,...

Everytime mum goes into hospital, My life will go topsy turvy For a start, the hospital is not near home, from Tampines to Outram is quite a journey. The journey itself is tiring as the walk to the hospital blocks are a challenge when going with kids. To Drive there also takes effort. Not having time on my side also drains me and I have to juggle a full time career, kids schoolwork/tuition and time for visiting mum and speaking to the drs all at once. you feel me? We took mum out from CGH after a minor commotion at the ward when Mas went against the Drs advise to get mum out. Her fever was down but the scans showed something unusual. I will be sending mum to SGH later tonight... maybe ard 3 am to beat the A&E crowd We have to get Mum warded there instead. The DRs at SGH seems more knowledgeable and sure, thus leaving us feeling at ease. CT scan showed some pus on the bottom of her spine....causing the excruciating pain that mum have been putting up w...

Back from hiatus.  The past few mths was spent on caring, fussing and spending time with the kids and immersing my concentration on their school work and their well being of adjusting to a new class with new teachers.  I tried to heal myself by forgetting about that one person whom I had yearned for.  I cut off all contacts and I spend my free time, reading the Quran.  I tried to drown my sorrows by cooking for the kids, I thought I was doing well, on the road to happiness.... but even that didn't really prepare me for what I was told a few moments earlier. Mum has a spine infection and she has to be warded longer. The Dr's at CGH is not farmiliar with this bug, thus more test would have to be done. I am praying her MRI scan results will be negative of anything deadly. 2 days ago, I rushed mum to the hospital at 3am in an Ambulance. It was my first ambulance ride and I never thought, that one day I would be sitting in front of an ambulance, while mak sits...

A Real Ummi… Emotional, Yet the Rock Tired, but keeps on going Worries but full of Hope Impatient, yet Patient Overwhelmed but never quits Amazing even when doubted Wonderful, even in chaos Life Changer, every single day   I read the above somewhere and could not agree more. I tend to be the rock in my family, the scheduler, the one who plots our activities and plans our errands. I instruct, I remind, I activate. I give my opinions, I love, I scold….I am basically a spider with eight legs juggling everything from what food to eat to what to do during our free time… I often think what would happen to the kids, if I am no longer around. How will they survive without me..without my love and opinions? I know, that question itself is already wrong. For there is another that is way more organized.. more loving.. more firm and powerful than me. I leave my worries in HIS hands. Allah HU Rabbi.

Alhamdullilah, Wasyukurilla... Alallamah Habib Umar Bin Muhammad bin Salim bin Hafiz..Ulama' dari Hadramawt, Yaman, telah sampai ke Singapura hari ini.... Hati ini telah niat hendak pergi ke Masjid Sultan untuk majlis utamanya... namun Tuhan lebih mengetahui....  Allah.... Diri ini....Tidak diizinkan kerana datangnya Haidh.  Badan juga rasa letih setelah hampir 2 minggu bermula kerja di pejabat pada jam 7 pagi.  Alhamdullilah juga diri ini beruntung dapat habis kerja jam 4 petang, sesuai sangat untuk hadir Tausiyah oleh Hubabah Nur, isteri kepada Habib Umar.  Acara bermula jam 5 petang tadi di Madrasah Aljunied Al Islamiah berdekatan dengan Masjid Sultan.  Alhamdullilah, Adik bersama Ummi pada waktu itu.....itulah yang buat Ummi syukur sangat.  Inilah sedikit dari Tausiyah Hubabah Nur yang dapat diri ini menulis tadi:  b-ismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīmi بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ "In the name of God, the Most Gra...

Bonding time together at the Hill Top Bridge Adik surveying the FIG tree  The weekend passed by too quickly these days... I love the ones where we get to spend time together doing fulfilled activities I love my family and treasure every moment with them.... The kids grow up too fast actually. This weekend, Adik and Abah joined Ummi on a long 10km hike along the southern ridges. Even though it wasn't an easy trail, you guys did not complain and accompanied my whims and fancies.  I also got to bring Abang to a big meal for dinner at Swensons Changi Airport since he gave the trail a missed. Its important I get to spend time with both my kids, equally.... Nothing else matters if the kids are happy in a good way. I also told Dear Hubby how much I treasure him spending time with me.  I love you guys with all my heart.  Healing is a process Letting go of the EGO. Forgiveness... and Just loving.... At the end of the day, it...

  23 October 2016 I met my dad for the first time in 7 years since the day he left Jalan Paras. For 7 years, I carried the hurt and heart break. And I could never find the will to forget. As a woman, I had to be on Mum’s side. Today, as if all the pain was carried away by the wind, my heart was light. Its as though I was healed. Masya’Allah. I buried my head in his hug. I couldn’t say a word. Too lost in emotions. The kids looked on, so happy Ummi and Dada are in good terms again. (Kids, Im sure you remember this moment kan? For 7 years, my dad have been meeting the kids at the void deck of my home. Its time, we reconcile. The first thing dad said to me was “ You put on weight huh??” Sure dad...7 years ago, I was much …much slimmer. Hehe….. We spent about 30 minutes talking, catching up on moments lost while the kids played around us. We sure have more to say….. hopefully one day, you will have all the kids surround you dad.