Words from my Heart...

The good news we were waiting for this week, never came.... I am confuse..if I should be the good person and be the patient wife or just break down and refusing to even listen to anything.... Its most likely, this heart will choose to be good and patient. Insya'Allah.... The good news never came.  Uncertainties on what lies ahead. Both of us, feeling a little lost.  Part of me Redha....Part of me feels Bitter.....  I can let go, when I think of the less fortunate.....but I am not sure, how things will impact me....  Yes, I am confuse still.  What I know is I believe in Qadr and Qadar...as a Muslimah, I have to believe in what has been ordain and decree and it is one of the pillars in Rukun Iman.  I am reminded daily, of what Ustaz Hasbi taught me in one of his Tasawwuf class that I attended a few years back.  He said that Allah's Mercy is vast, and when Allah wants to give us Rezeki, it will be more than your ever...

Not sure about what I want to write tonight but the picture says it all....  The thought of work the next day is dreading.  Eversince the takeover by S*B*E, nothing is really certain, pay adjustment and benefits have not been discussed, job role has not been changed but a new added support have been added.  My boss had been sent to Uruguay to learn the system and she will be gone for 1.5 months....D had been put in charged, with me supporting. I do not know how its gonna be like without O but I plan to take it a day at a time...E who is my big boss will also be on 2 weeks reservist... I nearly broke down when O told me about October.  I am stressed. I am depressed and I have just sent out my resume to a friend who works at a recruitment agency.... ALLAH knows best, I pray that he will lead me to what I should really be doing.  We are waiting for some good news next week. I really pray Hubby gets the job....else I don't know what to say and where the ...

Last night, I was awoken by your touch on my arms. Oh you're back..the thought ran through my mind..... You gave me 2 tender kisses on my cheeks.  I was puzzled, but you told me to go back to sleep. You seem down.  I could tell. This morning you rushed down and join me in sending the kids to the bus. Abang was puzzled why you came down.  Never had you sent them down to the bus. That meant alot to me and also the kids. It hurts me to see you needing us.  Now, we get to see you eating dinner at home. Its weird, I should be happy right... Happy yes, but confused too.  If I could ask for anything, I just want you to be happy. Maybe the happiness that ALLAH has for you was not the sort you are chasing for. Maybe we are meant to be together, sharing your happiness. My love for you never went away. Maybe I had kept it safely in the corner of my heart. For awhile, I had felt as if it was taken for granted I tried to make you...

The elections weekend are over.  One memory that stuck to me......was how glad I am to be able to bring Mak out to vote and we had Chendol at Changi Village after that. Alhamdullilah, we drove Mak to vote at Yumin Primary school near her block. While she was in good spirits, my heart broke seeing her being pushed in a wheelchair by the elections staff. Last 5 years, mum could walk. She walked next to Daddy to vote. This year, 2015, she came with me, in a wheelchair, while Daddy went to vote with his other wife.  I spoke to my Bro K today. I told him how mum would be going for an Operation next month and how she had suffered a hard childhood and now living sadly during her old age.  Everyone has a story to tell... Mak was born in a rich Angullia family in 1954.  I could not stop crying while recounting how Mak was given away to a Malay family. Although Nyang, the old lady loved her so much, she was abused by some members of the family. She had to ...

NEVER ABANDON REPENTACE As it turns out, we made it to Habib Ali's talk yesterday at Masjid Muhajirin.  Again, ALLAH swt is showing me the power of making Intentions.  Habib Ali spoke about Repentance, Tawbah. One is to make at least 70 Istigfar in a day. That is the amount of Istigfar our Prophet Muhammad SAW made in a day.... so what more us, who has many many sins.... A staghfirullahal'adzim, alladzi la ilaha illa huwal hayyul qoyyumu wa atubu ilaih' Next is to put it in our hearts, that we will never make that mistake again. Last is to cautiously be aware that ALLAH SWT is watching us, thus we wont do the same sin again.  At the point that Habib kept talking on and on about Tawbah, I felt and know that I have made a huge sin recently and I need to go back to who I was before.  I have made many attempts to run back to ALLAH and to istigfar,.. however this heart of mine is not able to let go.  I keep on hoping that you w...

This drawing looks like me....love the sassy cool attitude.... STAYING POSITIVE... AND  KEEPING A POSITIVE MIND..... Zikir ALWAYS in the heart.  La hawla wala quwawata illa billah  (there is neither power nor ability save by Allah).

Dear Abang and Adik,  Today, Ummi was on MC. Remember my swollen cheeks? It hurt quite bad.  After all the housework and some homework was done,  We went to eat lunch out today.  I love it that I get to spend so much time with the 2 of you. Just us.  We'd talk about silly things as well as serious things... Then, we went to watch a movie today ~ InsideOut. It was the 3 of us with Aunty Aha and Fawzan. Cool Movie about our emotions.  Ummi don't really tell the both of you how I feel.  I do not think both of you will understand.  I feel scared about the challenges ahead.  Abah is thinking of selling the car. We'd start taking the bus again. This will make us humble. Id cry for sure. I love our Md Fit.  The both of you are born with a car ready to drive you around.  Can the both of you adjust to our new lifestyle? ALLAH is the controller of all things..... #Tawakkal.  I remem...

Since I am HelperLess for the first time in 8 years,  My face is Swollen and Oily. Tak Cantik lah.  *FullStop* I pretty much do everything here, unless I tell the kids or DH to help me.  Sometimes I feel, am I the Official mug washer or the tissue thrower? Mugs are everywhere...from the dining table to the dressing table. Cant it be place in the sink at least? The kids have been helpful actually. They make their own bed, bath and get dress on their own. But they still need me to prepare their clothes, their meals and pretty much everything else. They  help me to trow the rubbish out at night.  DH, he sleeps and prays, buys the groceries and makes his own cup of Milo.   I wash, irons, cleans, puts back everything into place, sweeps, mop, vacuum, prepares our bags when we are going out, draws the curtains, pulls down the blinds, closes the windows, ensuring the switches are off, the terrapin pool is cleaned up, the terrapin fed, the cabinets wi...

Now that the helper has gone back....this Bosch washer is my best friend and I 'sayang' her alot. She helps me with the laundry ensuring hot water cleans all the oil and dirt and is silent yet strong. A full load takes 1 hr 10 mins. Only takes Persil and Softlan. Been with me since 2011. I never treasure much of you before, but Now I do. I love you my Bosch washer. Don't Bail on me Okie.....

Alhamdullilah...Its Overrrrr.... I brought the kids to Sentosa with my friend in the morning, and in between, managed to settle my Bibik's flight and airport stuff.  By 4.15pm, I was sitting in the dental clinic when Dr R called me in. "Are you ready?" he said....  "Hmmmmm"...... was my unsure responds to him.  After 4 injections  to numb my gums and abit of my lips, Dr R started to cut my upper back gums. When he said " Pass me Blade 12", my heart skipped a beat. Blade?  Seriously It was so scary, and I was picturing him cutting my gums in my mind. I tried to divert to happy thoughts and I pictured my kids jumping off the boat in the warm waters of Gili.  That was a good happy memory.  Still it wasn't enough. My mind kept thinking back of what Dr R was doing to my gums every time there was a blood spurt..... I tried to think of something better and the holy Kaabah came to mind. I was doing my Tawaf. Ahhh That's a good memory.  S...

Allah..... This is so depressing.... yeah I only blog when I'm depress..ha-ha Its like a way I can let it Gooooo... I do not know if I should laugh or cry.  Tomorrow I have planned to go to Sentosa with a good friend, her son and my kiddos.....we shall return around 2 plus and I will get ready and go for my Wisdom tooth removal.  My friend had taken off just so her son can spend some time with my kids.  Who would have thought, my helper dropped a shocker and told me she needed to go home to Semarang as her daughter is in ICU due to a bad accident.  The kids for one are so dissapointed, I feel bad for them. Abang understands but he is sad, he cant meet his friend.  I am so skeptical as its the start of the school holidays and what better time to take some days off....but I know nothing can happen without the will of Allah. We plan. Allah plans. and HIS plans surpasses all. Nothing will happen without Allah's will.  ...