Words from my Heart...

Alhamdullilah , All Praise to Allah. I am thankful. God eased my worries and send some rainbow over my sadness. I am thankful, that God answered our prayers. I do not know how long this change will last in Abang, or it is a start to something better, but I am elated that Abang has shown some kind of improvement. I made alot of dua ( prayers ) , and so did many other people, be it I know or I don't. Alot of people care for Abang, as much as there are other who loath him. Allah, the Merciful, must have granted our prayers. Thank you to those who encouraged me on. You know who you are. May Allah bless you all. Since the opening of Term 4, Abang somehow behaved in school. His teacher changed the class seating position, so he longer sits right in front and nearest to the teacher. She also made him a group leader. He came back happy, beaming of his new 'Title" and told me he enjoys collecting his classmates books. He has to finish his work, as he is the leader. S...

She talks about me as if I cannot hear. She looks irritated when I talk.     She questions my every word. And nothing I do is ever good enough. No encouragement what so ever. And the sad part is we are both Muslims, praying to the same GOD. You used to be close to me. We used to pray together and chit chat about life. Have I done something so wrong to you? Have I hurt or offended you in any way? If I did, It must be my own stupidity that I didnt notice. Do I owe you my existence? I ts hurts lah....I am here to do my work. I am still learning. I am not in anyway more superior that you. I am not disturbing your rice bowl. I want to learn from you. So why do you hate me so much? ............

Hubby made a good decision by booking a 1 night stay at Thistle Johor for September school Holidays. It was something impromptu and unplanned. I took half day leave on Thursday and left office at 12.30pm sharp. We settled lunch and Zohr prayers and left for Johor straight. Despite the long jam, we reached the hotel at 4.50pm to check in. While hubby slept, I brought the kids down for swimming. After swimming, we were all so hungry again, so I woke hubby up and we all got ready to find our way to Senibong! A well know area for seafood over the atap wood around the Johor Straits. Thistle hotel is  located very conveniently near the causeway and has a nice view of the Danga Bay. There are many food area around it and many mosque too. So food is no problem at all. The hotel is still in good condition, staff service and Breakfast spread was extensive. However, the baby pool was a little too deep for Adik and she only swam around the steps area at the pool. For dinn...

  Dont you agree? That no matter what, only you as the mother can understand how much you love your kids and why you love your kids... Its the bond that a mother and her children have.   This the exact reason when some other looks at Abang is a different light, I don't.   No matter the tears, he will still be the sweet boy I know.   And I can never give up on my son.   I am thankful, he is healthy and active. I am thankful. He can run, and play eventhough he is rough, he can still play. I am thankful, Abang can walk on his own, eat on his own and bath on his own. There are endless things to be thankful for when it comes to Abang alone despite the challenges.   Eventhough he is not independant for his age, as he is very dependant on adults, he will be one day.   and I will always pray, that Abang will have a good future and be a good Muslim when he grows up.   Amin.   xoxo   ...

  Yesterday.....wasn't the first time that Abang went on excursion. But It was his first since primary one started.   Abang was on medication for cough, but this puffy face boy still insisted on following his classmates to the Singapore Science Centre. As usual, since he wanted to go, I will allow.   At 4pm, Abang called me while I was in a meeting. I took the call as I wanted to know if he got into any kind of trouble during the trip.   "Ummi, I was left in the bus when the rest of my classmates alighted down to The Science Centre because I was asleep. The bus driver discovered me and send me back again".. he said semi-excited.   My heart dropped. "What?! Why....?? Didn't anyone noticed you? Didn't your classmates wake you up? Didnt your teacher did a head count before letting the big bus go off? "   So many questions ran through my mind. As a mother, my mind quicky imagined the bus driver to be someone foreign and...

  A cousin recommended I watched this HINDI movie : - )   TAARE ZAMEEN PAR ~ LIKE STARS ON EARTH The movie is about a boy who couldn't read or write, very disobedient, naughty and hyper-active and causing a lot of anger amongst the teachers in his school. He cannot focus in class, and have been failing his exams throughout. His parents who couldn't not take the persistent complaints from the teachers and people around him, decided to ship send him off to Boarding School hoping, he will change his attitude and become a changed and good boy. This boy could not even button his own shirt, always depending on his loving yet Stressed mother to help him around his daily activities. (Sounds like Abang and Me? ) There, the boy grew even more lost, until, he was noticed by a teacher (the multi talented and dashing Aamir Khan) who cared to find out why the boy behaved in such a way. (Masya'Allah)...... The story leads us to go through deeper reasons and pare...

Lots of times, when Abang fails his test, I will scold him and wonder what is wrong with my son.... At times I wonder if his brains are working well. There are 'talks' going around with his teahers  in school that Abang might Learning Disability (LD) But at the bottom of my heart, I know my son is intelligent. He can hold conversations with adults better most kids can. During Eid visiting, the adults will always talk to him and he will entertain them with his stories. Compared to his sister who is shy, Abang likes to mingle with relatives.   Today, he proved to me that he IS smarter than me! We were at Long John's Silver deciding what to have for lunch when the table we were seated at was not cleared of the trays. We waited for a long time for our table to be cleared so that I can ordered the food, but the place was packed, and I didn't even see an cleaner going around clearing table. Ummi: How about we go across to Texas Chicken? It does l...

I was driving on my own yesterday morning, in a sombre mood.... quiet.... the car was quiet without the kids.....  and my mind was thinking of the kids and how some people blame me for Abang's behavioural issues.   Then this song came on radio and I was singing along to it... Unknowingly, I changed the lyrics while singing....tears falling... I could relate the lyrics as though I was going through what the Robbie Williams is singing.... Its like...hey moms...this is our anthem when people label us "bad parents" yet We Do our BEST.     *weak smile*...... here, this is a break from the seriousness of it all... Send someone to love me I need to rest in arms Keep me safe from harm In pouring rain Give me endless summer Lord I fear the cold Feel I'm getting old Before my time As my soul heals the shame I will grow through this pain Lord I'm doing all I can To be a better mom. Go easy on my conscience 'Caus...

This morning, I saw Bibik putting on Abang's uniform for him. Its been like that since day one. I stopped them and told Bibik to move away and let Abang wear his own uniform. I have to train him to be independant. Abang struggled to wear his own uniform, but he did not give up. When it came to the buttons of his shirt, the Bibik laughed and said, " Ah ini Abang don't know".... I decided to teach Abang its as if the button was a ball and he had to slot the ball in the hole which was the net. I went "ok Push the ball in the net and pull the ball into the net" Each time, he successfully button 1 portion, I went "Goal!" And he smiled shyly.......he loves football, so I bet, he enjoyed the anology. Abang....Abang....slowly by surely....

A dear friend wrote some encouragement words to me.   Her words meant alot. I have been feeling so alone the last few days.   This is for my own encouragement and to anyone who is going through my road as well.   edited Dear Shaz, I read through some of your entries. I understand what you are going through.. but you have to hold on. Even if the world is not supporting you or your son, remember that God will never test you beyond what you can bear. This path is set for you and your son for a purpose. I am not in your shoes but when I think of you, I can understand the pain and hurt you must be going through personally as well. I am worried for your personal relationship as well. If your hubby is not facing the situation as you want, don't blame him. My dad never understood why my mum insisted on taking my elder bro to a special sch. But your son is not a special need boy.he is just very hyper and distracted. Till then as women, we can only be ...

  The phone call from the teacher came in today during my lunch break.... 3rd one in the week.   Masya'Allah.... My heart sank when I saw Mrs Lim's name on the screen of my mobile.   Abang got into trouble again.   *Sabar... Ya ' Allah, to you I seek solace and refuge.*   *Tenang...Ya'Allah, keep me Calm in going through this test*   Read an interesting article from facebook. Insya'Allah.... May we benefit from it. "I often hear mothers talking to me in hyperactive style, telling me how to handle their hyperactive kids. Few years back, we used to hear it as ADHD story, but now it has become a household problem. Most mothers feel their kids are becoming ... more and more hyperactive. They feel helpless on settling them down. Issues moms face: Handling issues and complains from school How to make them study at home, doing their Homework Sit calmly when visiting as guests Make such children cooperate with siblings\ ...

I am hoping for some progress.   For a start, my boss approved my child care leave In October for the visit to the Child Guidance Clinic. Alhamdullilah. With all the cut overs we have from now till December, I was worried she would not approve.   I find that its important that I am truthful about my son's condition to my Boss. Alhamdullilah, my boss's son is also a ADHD child and he is now in secondary 3....so she understands.   Alhamdullilah, we have been sharing our experience together. Eerily enough, alot of what she said about her son is present in my boy.    How do you think I feel now? Now, awaiting that date in patience. This is the start of The Journey . Neurobehavioural Clinic (NBC) - ADHD Services offers specialised multi-disciplinary assessment and therapy for children and youth with ADHD and mental health co-morbidities. Through parent education and workshops, this team seeks to work collaboratively with parents and car...

Interesting blog article from a fellow mom..... http://adhdmomma.com/2013/02/guest-blog-a-mamas-got-to-do-what-a-mamas-got-to-do.html Interesting that she said "I am tired of the phone calls from the teachers" Many things she said seems so familiar . Abang cannot concentrate on one activity for more than 30 mins. Abang has so much energy. Abang loves shouting. Ya Allah, Please give me strength to go through This Journey.

Its Tuesday night..... It has been 2 days in a row this week that Abang refused to do his work on his own in the classroom. Mrs Lim called me again just now. He expects his teacher to be at his back and call and to personally guide him. If his teacher refuses, he will shout for his classmates to be beside him to coach him and tell him. Today, not only did Abang refuse to do his work, he was also rude to the teacher and she went up the roof. I understand. I have countlessly told Abang to try and to do his work on his own, so have the teachers around him. But he will refuse. He can go 1 hour in his class sitting and doing nothing because he do not want to do it on his own. He expects someone to be there to guide him all the time. But his teacher has 30 other kids to guide too. At home, I cannot spend much time with Adik because without me facing Abang, his homework will not be done. Initially, I thought he needs all the guidance but its been 9 months since Abang started primary...

It was extreamly hard for me last night. 1. Abang took nearly 1 hours to just write 5 sentences.   2. News from my helper's family is that they need her to come home for good next month.  I broke down again. Sat at a corner and cried my hearts out. The last time I cried this bad about 8 years back.   Felt better after crying and I realised the person I so depended on did not come to me to stop me or to check if I was OK. I am on my own with only Allah as my saviour. I managed to get in a touch with a student from a Madrasah in Surabaya. He is my helper's brother and known to treat children who do not want to study or behave. He shared with me some "amalan" that I can do for my son. Insya'Allah, I will try it out.... May Allah bless my efforts.

Everyone has trials and challenges. In fact, the more God loves you, the harder your challenges are. God has promised to be with the one who is patient. My body feels feverish. It could be I have been worrying much about my son. My heart is sad. But I smile weakly. Allah knows what's in my heart, my family is my priority. I need to be stronger.....in order for him and everyone else around me to be strong.   يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ Yaa Muqallibal Quloob Thabbit Qalbee ‘alaa Deenik. “ Oh turner of the hearts (Allah, the Most High), keep our hearts firm on your religion “   I spoke to hubby in the car this morning.   He understands why I need to be with our son every step of the way. I am his Mother.   The clinic called. I have an appointment with CGC in October.   *Wake me up when September ends *

This is my first real post on my feelings and journey with ADHD or ADD. It is difficult, really difficult to even accept even for the smallest of reasons, that it may be true. I am trying to read up on ADHD and I am trying to accept, that maybe, something is wrong with Abang and it is not just an attitude problem. I feel I am alone. Alone in this journey. I am not labelling my son yet that he has ADHD/ADD since he has not been diagnosed on this issue by anyone professional. But I have taken the first step. I have gone to the polyclinic to get a referral letter to the Child Guidance Clinic (CGC). I've yet to get an appointment date, but I heard its a long queue since a lot of kids in Singapore have this disorder in them. The polyclinic nurse will call me soon. It hasn't been an easy journey prior to my decision to go to the Polyclinic to get a referral letter. Its now September and its been 9 months since Abang started with Primary One. There are good days,...