Words from my Heart...

Tears just fall, fallen like the rain. I could not take it anymore last night, I just burst. I had to put a stop to this. I came home tired, and wanting to spend some time with kids, Tired but happy. Oblivious to the things that happened behind my back. But you text me again, unexpected. Again, you said Abang had scratched the boy and this time his mother saw with her own eyes. I am truly sorry my boy did this. I am lost for words. He likes to disturb his friends. At times he loves his friends, at times he does things to get their attention. At times, all I can say is he is a child and does not use his brains…. He is an active child and his mind is constantly moving. I called up Abang’s teacher immediately after reading your text message. His teacher painted a different picture of Abang. Abang has mellowed a lot this year. He listens to his teacher more and his teacher believes in him. She does not like this idea of the mothers forming cliques and ...

I went to nearby Gym for the first time yesterday. Suka sangat, besar tempat dia, for a Monday evening, it was relatively pack but still there were lots of equipments for me to use freely. This novice at the gym tried the bicycle, treadmill, stair-climber, abs machine and finally I did the rower. You know, as if I was rowing the dragon boat? While I tried the treadmill, I could see my kids swimming downstairs while the helper took care of them. Only thing was I didn’t on my MP3 thus, it was a liitle lonely for me. I burned lottsa calories. Each equipment, had a calorie counter, and I ensured to burn at least 50 calories on each equipment that I tried. That was good enough for me however the girl beside me on the bicycle cycled so fast she burned 200 calories in one sitting….. Hur hur….. well, I tried my best and 50 was a good enough. Ive officially moved. Alhamdullilah…..I want to learn more about this town. My previous place was an old kampong town where lott...

I had always believed in the power of selawats. Sending our salaams and salututions to our Prophet Muhammad. One of the power of selawats which I really believe in is to recite selawats when I lost something. My mum always tell me, if the thing is there, we will find it when we selawat, and it will be found fast. This has been proven many times for me personally. Be it baby bottles to keys to TV controllers and most recently my kids birthcerts! I have been teaching my helper to selawat if she is finding something, but she stubbornly dont beleive in this and take so long to find something, and everytime I assist her in the search and I selawat, I will end up finding the thing for her. The kids have also been taught to selawat when we are searching for things and they being the innocent beings, will happily recite selawats with me. Its so heartwarming to hear my kids selawats when i am frantically searching for something, somehow, I could feel the love for our prophet. Y...

Two nights back, I came home looking for Abang after I heard about him pinching and hitting the “well behaved” classmate of his. I didn’t beat him or scold him, instead, I talk to him Firmly but gently enough telling him that the boy’s mother had complain and was very unhappy. I discussed many scenarios with Abang and in the end, concluded that Abang should go and apologize to the boy the next day. My father-in-law in who was there too counseled Abang. Yesterday, when I came home from work, Abang told him himself that he had said “Sorry” to his friend and guess what, the boy ask him what was the Sorry for? So Abang said, “I won’t hit you again. Sorry for hitting you.” And the boy said, “Oh it’s OK” All was good. Ha-ha…I had a good laugh. It does show that kids don’t bear grudges over small matter! Kids fight and then, they be friends, unlike us adults. Well, it’s great that Abang said “Sorry” and the friend didn’t take it to heart. As with these kids, I ...

She commented on Abang again. Even after I told her off the other time, that I believed in my son and I am praying for my son, that I will never give up on my son and that I wont comment on other people’s kids. I explained to her before the reasons why I felt Abang was behaving that way, and I am trying my best to discipline him. I also told her before that I have faith that he will become better in time to come. Abang, I sense will be a good person, Insya’Allah. An Ummi can never lose faith in her kids, no matter what people say. That episode left a dent in our friendship, yet I still gave in and forget about the matter and allowed her in my life. Well, she did it again! Messaging me at the hour when I'm so bogged down with work but trying to finish it because I want to go home to the kids. I told her the other time of the wrong timing, yet she watsapps me again yesterday at the same timing. It made me feel worse, yet this time, I don’t wish to get all af...

It pains me to see Adik entering the Temperamental Tantrum 3 phase. She was never in the Terrible 2 phase in the first place. Adik whom I dub the easiest baby to care for, has since turned very difficult, clingy and temperamental. She trows a mean tantrum, WANTS what she wants and wont take NO for an answer. She does things the way she wants it, and if any thing is not as she wants it, she wants the whole process  to be repeated from the start.  Its scary sometimes, it feels as she is not who she is. Its almost does not feel or seems Normal. I feel so helpless at times, especially when we are outside, I try to remain patient until my whole body shakes. Abang was more naughty than temperamental but at least Abang was scared of the cane. Adik, on the other hand would get a few smacks on her bum, and she would still continue her fits. Ya Rabb....This stage is really testing.  I read on the internet, that this phase is normal for 3 year old. This will grow ou...

Balcony Lights Alhamdullilah, today final leg of the renovation.... The lights are up at the new place, Grills and Curtains and Blinds are up, Tomorrow will be washing, delivery of electrical products, and than we will be ready to move in. Insya'Allah Feeling so excited, ready to begin this new journey. Lots to do, to decorate and clean. May Allah ease the path for us and make our days happy and blessed. 

Looking at the flowers at my colleagues desk makes me feel happy and reminded of the days where my hubby used to buy flowers for me.  Those days, we were engaged and he needed alot of prompting before he would buy me flowers. He bought me purple Tulips from Amsterdam and lottsa of roses after that.  He said, he'd rather buy watches for me.  I guess he dont get the idea of buying something that does not last. Flowers has its own way in a woman's heart no? 

This feeling of wanting to submit totally to Allah has been around me for the last few days. Stronger than ever.  Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, I feel weak, as if Im ready to let go of all worldly matters. I keep thinking about this, Silently..I keep thinking about God. Yesterday, i cross over to the nearby Mosque and solat Magrib berjemaah. Rasa sangat tenang.  I started feeling this way ever since I realised that I am being hated, being put in the centre of family polictics, yet I never had the intentions to be bad. I just want things to function properly. I dont want anyone to be made use off especially mum. I have to say what is wrong, for I dont want to be questioned by Allah later, but I am weak and always being pushed away.  Seriously, I am happy, smiling and loving to my hubby and kids cos I want to built a happy family. Yet, there are some people who hates me for being happy.  Jealousy? Perception? Imagination? ....well, I am sorry they feel as if I am showi...

Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ.  (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56 Its Friday, Alhamdullilah,  1 week has nearly passed, 1 more week to go, very little fun moment, just quiet adjusting moments....I know, with my apprehensive distance, I might not have made it easy for you too.... For the first time in my life, I guess I can say that I'm not looking forward to the weekends. How Dramatic! I know.. haha.. I guess. I just don't feel happy going back to where I am now, but I know..., I know you will tell me to be thankful right, OK I know... O'Allah, I kept asking for forgiveness today for I know, Ive done alot of sins this week.... I've been calling my mum on the way to work telling her how much I miss having my own privacy and how un-comfortable I am at being watched all the time...I...

Funny how you said you treat me as your best friend, your confidante, your sister and that you care for me yet its always me who have to make the first move in asking how you are and to initiate that chat. Its funny cos its no longer sad. Its funny cos I've grown pass the petty age yet I just feel its not courteous to treat the people you acknowledge as your best friends yet your are never the one who makes the first move in arranging a chat or meet up session. Anyway,  girl I wanted to contact you today, than I decided not too. I thought...hmmm how come its always me to initiate? I said to myself its OK, since you never bother to ask me how I am, its fine, you need your space, you have other friends and you don't really need me....  Heh....!  Ask ourselves, are we such people who wait for our friends to approach us before we ask how they are?  If the answer is Yes ,   pick up the phone, send that email or Use S.M.S or Watapps A simpl...

~ I should be Focus... Focusing on what's my more important task and not being depress on staying at a temporary place and how uncomfortable I feel. There are more important issues like the new house and adapting to the changes and being strong for my kids rather than worrying about my temporary loss of privacy. ~ Looks like I managed to find the answers my self just by writing and reading my own words in print !  Things will get better Insya'Allah.

I am depress but I must remember to be thankful.... Living under someone else's roof is just not the same, depriving me of the privacy that I used to have and the ability to do anything that I wish to do,  This reminds me that my own home even if small would be a happier place rather than living elsewhere which is big but not mine at all. Your home is after all your heaven, solace and your peace. I am depress but Hubby reminded me to be patient... I am depress but my heart reminds me to be thankful.... I am depress but my lunch buddies made a joke over it and I laughed...hard......! when all this ends, I will be thankful, of what Allah has blessed me with..... Insya'Allah. p/s: not having the freedom of inviting my mother over makes me miss her oh so much..and Im sure she feels the same way too! 

Ive always believed that it should be this way..... Though sometimes I fail at the scarf covering the chest area..... The rest Im fine, insya'allah... especially the socks, i can never not wear socks.... Its a must when I leave the house...

Tonight will be our last night here..... I looked around, packed boxes, windows with no more maroon curtains, walls with no more picture frames, tables with no more flower vase. I am sad, this house has so much memories, good and bad, scary and funny, but most importantly it was our first house straight after marriage. We settled for a 4 room corner unit with a small size while most of my friends went straight to 5 rooms. I remember one friend told me her house was an Executive! and all I did was told myself to sabar and I just want my house to be blessed and not be a heavy load to us newly-weds.  It was where both my babies came home to and it was where we had a grand maulid led by Habib Abbas and his maulid group. I loved the bomb shelter, the plasma TV, the white windows and the proximity to the interchange and mosques but I hated the size, the odd shape of the rooms and the plain interior. I guess  know I forgot to be thankful sometimes. To be pos...

My Asthma Meds... Assalamu’alaikum, To my beautiful body, you feel sick everyday, breathless, tired. You shoulders sore and back ache, Every month, u need that emergency urut sessions… I wonder how long I can last, I always think about death...Im scared...... Rasa macam tak mau tinggal kan suami dan anak anak tapi yang pasti, hidup ini hanyalah sementara dan bukan selamanya. Yesterday, sis told me that XXXX has committed suicide…eventhough I don’t always see her or talk to her, but I know who she is and have seen around the functions. Y must she do this, isn’t there any other way…..? Even if she was depressed, could she not have thought about all those who loved her instead? Sebagai orang Islam, bukankah membunuh diri ini sesuatu yang sangat haram dilakukan ? …entahlah, mungkin ketika minda dilanda mas’alah, haram dan halal ada sikit ertinya. Susah aku nak katakan, aku juga ada anak, dan masa depan mereka juga belum dijamin. Aku hanya boleh berdoa. Ak...